we are home!

after an exhausting and tiring 5 weeks we are home with baby Willow! I have no time for blogging yet as all my time is spent feeding, pumping and caring for Willow- and my other kiddos....but it is a great thing!

there is nothing in this world sweeter than a new baby snuggled in your arms.

spiritual growth always comes from suffering

Please go listen to this sermon from cornerstone church here and scroll down and click on "the grace of pain" 2/3/08
He hits the nail on the head. Very eloquently, this pastor sums up my thoughts on the subject of pain/suffering and how a loving God can allow it.
My pastor at my church leaves this subject with the simple idea that God allows free will and we hurt each other. But that doesn't explain things like earthquakes, Job, or babies dying...
No one who thinks long enough can doubt that God allows pain to occur in the lives of people , even his followers (think Job).
And this is where most people get hung up... HOW can a loving God allow this pain?? Why did my house burn down? Why I am sick with cancer? Why is my baby dead?
And we expect God to explain the Why to us. Give us a good reason. Like we deserve an explanation.
But God does not owe us anything. Everything we have from our very breath was handed to us. You worked hard for the job you got laid off from? Who gave you the brains/strength /opportunities to get that job in the first place?
As Job said in Job 2
10 But Job replied, “You talk like a foolish woman. Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?” So in all this, Job said nothing wrong.

Here is the key-
God never promises us a pain free, comfortable life. Quite the opposite. Over and over the Bible says that we will suffer, especially those who follow Christ.
What we are promised is that God will never leave our side. That we are never alone. And, that
I consider our present sufferings insignificant compared to the glory that will soon be revealed to us. -Romans 8:18
And the truth is God cares much, much more about the state of our hearts and about his glory than he does about our comfort.
Comfort does not create growth.
I never understood the depth or intensity of God's love before Aquila died. How alive his word was, until i clung to it to keep from drowning. How true his promises were. I had a "peace that surpasses all understanding" .
I experienced JOY , which is only truly experienced inside of suffering- because JOY has nothing to do with happiness. It is a spring that bubbles up strait from God and is not only completely separate from our circumstances- but occurs in spite of them.
If you truly want to know God, if you want to feel him and Know him, know that the road to that is a pinful one- BUT IT IS WORTH EVERY TRIAL. He is worth it.
and remember
"And he said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.”"
Job 1:21

Willow updates

I have been busy..very busy- holding my baby. my day consists of waking at 7 am to pump, scarfing down some oatmeal and packing my stuff and heading out the door. I drive to NICU and spend the next 9 hours there, holding Willow and trying to breastfeed her. I pump every two hours during the day, usually with her in my lap. i then go home at 5pm to eat dinner with my family. i come back up to the NICU after shift change at 7:30 pm and stay till about 10pm. Then i drive home in a daze, pump and sleep for 4 hours, till i need to pump again.
but every minute is worth it. i could hold her 24 hours a day. i hate putting her down and driving away.

So, as far as her progress. She started off on a CPAP machine which blew air into her lungs under pressure. She had all feeds by IV and was on IV antibiotics for 10 days. She was jaundiced (put under Billi lights).She had to stay under a radiant heat warmer in just a diaper to maintain her temp. She blew out IVs like most people change socks- 10 (or more??) IVs placed in 10 days....
She had multiple apnea spells and heart rate dips, for which they put her on oral caffeine. She had one dose of surfactant to lubricate her lungs. She had a spinal tap and countless blood draws.
She dropped from her birth weight (4 pounds) down to about 3pounds 14 ozs.

Now,at 16 days , Willow is rocking the NICU. She has done better, faster than anyone predicted.

She is over her birth weight (4 pounds, 1 and 1/2 oz). no more IV antibiotics or feeds. no infection. no more breathing apparatuses. She is breathing room air without help. She has been taken off the caffeine and we are waiting to make sure her heart rate stays steady. She is fed through a tube in her nose. My milk supply has risen to enough for two Willows!
She has been trying at the breast all week and has had two real swallowing feeds there (yesterday and today)

She has moved into a regular infant bed and is wearing (tiny) clothes.

Like i said, she is a rock star!

All she needs to do to come home is learn to eat for all her feeds and continue gaining weight and keeping her heart rate steady.

So any prayers towards those goals would be welcomed!

God is good and everything he does is good. Thank you Lord!