still life: spoken word blog round up

Angie over at still lifew with circles and also still life 365 has come up with another amazing prompt. i want to thank her from the bottom of my heart for this spoken blog round up. hearing the voices and seeing the faces of these woman whose blogs i have been reading for so long was monumentally moving. i hope mine contribution can measure up.
here is my video

a follow up piece?

i have started sculpting again. though the quality of my work is hindered by the short bursts in which i can work--Willow likes to nurse...a lot!
this piece is a follow up from my first sculpture after Aquila's death
Empty
in this piece i had wanted to have her stomach shown sewed up in a jagged scar, but the baby and her leaning around her hid the stomach. kind of interesting, as it seems like i often hold willow over my pain, like some kind of ointment.....

7 months

well it has been another month.it is strange because on one hand i rejoice at each passing month, as it brings me closer to holding the baby in my tummy (hopefully),but it is also very sad because it brings me one month further away from Aquila.

i am hitting brick walls and running low on steam in the sphere of fighting this injustice...

the things i want to do over the next few years are not the same things my husband wants...

i am feeling down, can you tell?

the art i couldn't show you

reborns

okay, so if you have yet to introduced to the world of reborns, just google it. Basically, it is the art of creating baby dolls that look and feel as much like real newborns as possible. i have been drawn to these, but with ebay auctions in the hundreds (up to 900!) i simply don't have that kind of cash for a doll (who does??). anyhow. i have this old vinyl doll from my childhood who had seen better days and needed a new body anyhow. i thought, well what the heck, lets experiment! so i bought supplies (cause i do apparently have money to spend on any art project )(from my fund labeled "therapy! lol), and set to work. this baby i gave to Lucca, who has since never left her alone. she even sleeps with her. i think this is very healing for her.






then after learning alot from my mistakes with that one, i bought a vinyl kit and set to work on this one.

new piece

some pieces of art i have been working on

both pieces are in polymer clay. i am really enjoying this medium.

mer baby

So, i have not written in a few days- mostly because i feel like i have nothing to say- but, i convinced myself that since it is 8:10 am and no one but me is awake in the house, i need to take this time and use it!

the fostering front-
We met with the lady from our new agency two nights ago. she is just wonderful, truly a gift from God. i had said i was never going to take another placement from LSSS , but after Aquila died i just wanted the easiest thing. but God had other plans...so LSSS denied me , which forced me into interviewing other agencies. and now i have found a better match for our family BY FAR. i felt so much peace after the first phone conversation with them. i knew this is where we are supposed to be right now. i have also heard through the grapevine that placements are picking up , so i actually have a shot at getting a baby. the thought of have a sweet baby to care for makes my heart sing right now. what a gift that would be!
so, she told us we should have our license by this friday, so pray for us to get the placement that God wants here as soon as possible!

on the healing front-
we have been going to this grief group for parents who have lost children and it has been so healing. there are two other mamas there who lost babies (both around 6 months old).it is so refreshing to have a conversation with someone who understands. although, my heart breaks for them. this is the club no one wants to join, and no one wants more members to be added, but we still welcome them with open arms- IYKWIM
i also met one of tristan's friend's mother who recently lost a child to stillbirth. again it was the feeling of relief that i could talk to someone who gets it. i don't have to feel like a burden, or a downer. i know it doesn't bother these mamas, because i know i am hungry to hear their stories too.

on the art front-
my newest media has been polymer clay. i have been making babies, which is so engrossing and hands on, i love it. here is one of my babies (i am slowly getting better)

Great Expectations- Acrylic on canvas

home birth and experience

Your brother came so softly
born in the water
no crying
quiet contemplation
pink and rosy

how different your coming was
born in blood
no crying (no breathing)
sudden expulsion
limp and pale

everything got so dark

can't tell up from down anymore
all the sweet reminiscing of your brother's coming
marred by your passing

what power gained from birth
can not be stripped away
by death?

more art

"jars of clay" in oil pastels




untitled in watercolor pencil

stillbirth art : fearfully made

stillbirth art : Affliction

Empty

my first piece of art after my stillbirth