first off, i must thank my dear friend MG over at book and bairns for inspiring me to write this post. thank you MG for your faith and candor.
i have been struggling friends. i can't begin to explain how hard it can be to keep your head above water when fear creeps in. Lies can seep in so slowly, you barely see them.. till one day you realize those lies has bred and multiplied until you are gasping for breath under the weight of them.
This pregnancy has put me in the cross hairs for some "fiery darts", and they don't always creep into my head. sometimes they come strait from the mouth of those who should be closest to me. I have received some harsh words about the foolishness of this pregnancy from two woman who should be celebrating a new life. If you can imagine, i am spending my days trying to get by. loving my husband, my kids, this new baby...mourning my daughter's death. seeking the Lord. i don't have time to busy myself in other people's lives or decisions. i don't have time for gossip, or drama, or conflict.
praise the Lord for this, for he has set my priorities right where they need to be. Unfortunately, some people do have this time. I must forgive them though, for they apparently do not know what they are doing to me or my family. i am sure they think they are doing everything in love. but what they are working out of is fear, not love.
They cannot understand why i would be so foolish... but
1 Corinthians 3:19
For the wisdom of this world is foolishness to God. As the Scriptures say, "He traps the wise in the snare of their own cleverness."
1 Corinthians 1:27
Instead, God chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose things that are powerless to shame those who are powerful.
and this pregnancy is a blessing. every pregnancy is..even a pregnancy that is unplanned..or unwanted...even a pregnancy that will only last days, or months..even a pregnancy that will result in a dead baby...even in a pregnancy that brings forth a child that that is marred, scarred or falls short of this worlds standards of "only wanting a healthy baby"...
Do you know why? i do- because God has created every one of us.
Psalm 139:14
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
When i am struggling, God blesses me with verses to combat lies with truth-
like
Romans 8:15
So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God's Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, "Abba, Father."
Romans 8:28
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
and i know that God's time is the perfect time..every time. this pregnancy was meant to be when he set it in motion. i did not really have control. no one does. every pregnancy does not result in a living child, just as every "birth control" attempt does not prevent a pregnancy. God opens and closes the womb.
Ecclesiastes 11
4Whoever watches the wind will not plant;
whoever looks at the clouds will not reap.
5As you do not know the path of the wind,
or how the body is formeda in a mother’s womb,
so you cannot understand the work of God,
the Maker of all things.
thank you Lord for your unfailing love and mercies which are new every morning.
