i still can't post my pictures from my trip due to a missing cord ...but from my phone i give you this
yep. i am pregnant. due exactly 11 months after i was due with Aquila- November 15th , 2010.
i am very excited and happy, but also nerve racked..mostly that with this new pregnancy, everyone will forgot her.. since we found out a few weeks ago Gabe has not mentioned Aquila once. and that stings. and there is just more to come. it makes sense, as it is easier for anyone to think on and speak about things that are happy, rather than things that are senselessly depressing...
when i told Lucca about the pregnancy she told me (yelling) "why can't you just have this baby at the HOSPITAL so it doesn't die?!" and me, i choked back tears as i explained that, yes we would have this baby at the hospital. but sometimes babies die in hospitals too. then she wanted to know if it was a boy or girl. i told her we can't know yet. then she told me she only wants a girl... sigh. again i had to disappoint by telling her it could be a boy....
i used to love being pregnant. it was such an exciting time. now all i want is a live baby, as soon as possible. pregnancy is just a means to an end. that makes me sad that that too is ruined for me.
9 comments:
I am so happy for you! I don't think anyone will forget your precious daughter.
congratulations! Tough times ahead for you I know but I'm so happy for you. I hope you get to enjoy it at least a little bit xx :D
What beautiful pictures. I am from your MDC December due date club and my son and I have been praying daily for 'Aquila's mom' as I don't recall your name...We will continue to pray for 'Aquila's mom and new sibling'.
Congratulations, Liz!
A dear friend of mine lost her first son during childbirth. Every year on his birthday, she invites her closest friends and family to a birthday party for Samuel. They have cake, and visit the gravesite, and I want to say that they release butterflies or something like that, too. Anyway, her kids have grown up with Samuel as their big brother, and everyone remembers him every year. Maybe you could do something like that for Aquila, too.
I pray that you're able to relax and enjoy your pregnancy.
Liz, please know that many of us will never, ever forget Aquila. She is in our hearts forever! I will never forget her.
That said, congratulations on this wonderful news! Hope lives again ... try to enjoy this little one growing inside you. ((hugs))
Praise God for this blessing. I can only imagine the bittersweetness involved.
I, for one, (and I'm sure many others) will never forget your precious Aquila. I had never really confronted, faced, or even really understood that mama's lose their full-term babies. From MDC, I have begun reading your blog, and the blog of other babyloss mothers.
My heart aches and is heavy, but it's been a blessing to have read how you have been leaning on Jesus, and crying out to Him-something I don't know how those without Him could live without. I am forever blessed by Aquila, and her story, as I have faced the true fragility of life, and how God has purposes sometimes that we cannot grasp.
Thank you for your candor and your faith. I would like to continue to read about Aquila, as you feel you want to share...I also want to hear about the next baby, and how God will bless your family through him or her. Sorry for the book, but I wanted you to know how much I care for you and how much your story has blessed me and caused me to face this reality.
Aquila will never be forgotten. It's sad that the innocence is gone and all you can do is worry, but I am so very happy for you and will be cheering you on all the way to November!!! :) (((HUGS)))
My lovely dear is expecting! So happy for you - and the next months you'll be in my thoughts and prayers. Aquila is never forgotten...
Congrats on the new little bean. I worried too that we would forget about Sage but as our little Elias grows I feel more connected to her than ever. My older daughter did some art therapy to help integrate her excitement and anxiety over her new brother and the loss of her only sister. If I said that the last 6 months have been golden and stress-free I'd be lying, the flashbacks and doubts resurface with a vengeance. But that fist kick, that flutter of heartbeat on the screen makes it all worth while and worth the anxiety. Much love to you and your family.
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