tonight i watched my recorded episode of 'Secret life of the American teenager' . i have watched every episode since the beginning, as i have now fostered 4 teen moms, and they all insist on watching it..
and well (embarrassment) now i can't.stop.watching....
i was very very upset that the writers decided to have one of the main characters deliver a stillborn baby girl last week. Not that i don't think media should portray the reality that some babies die--but that i know that a TV show cannot carry the weight that is baby-loss. I dread the episode when Adrian 'gets over it' ....
but anyhow, tonight's episode is supposed to be fast-forwarded to two months after Mercy's death. Adrian is depressed and angry.She will not leave the house and is eating all day long. Everyone on the show is worried about her, and trying to make her better.
watching this i am wanting to scream at the screen- 'WHAT SHE NEEDS is to talk with another mom who has lost her baby! What she needs is all of you to back the F off her case'
and what the writers had her say struck me. She said " i am so sick of hearing about how everyone is worried about me.it is such a burden. it is so heavy on top of the burden of losing my baby!"
I thought YES - this is it!
all the advice and judgment that has been handed to me over the last almost 18 months is a burden. Well meaning people (and some not well meaning people) seem to just jump at the chance to decide how i should carry my weight- and seem to have no filter for telling me.
I do not care if you think we should have waited to have Willow.
I do not care if you thought, or still think i was not or am not dealing with my grief appropriately.
I do not care if you do not like that i am angry.
I do not care if you think we shouldn't foster, or move or do anything 'rash'.
I do not care if you think i should or should not sue my midwife.
i do not care if you think anything about what i should or should not do in MY life.
do not add your burden onto this weight i have to carry. you may think you would do it differently, or better than me--- but really you should just be thanking God that you do not have to try.
*note- there are many people i have asked for advice- i am not talking to you. i am mostly talking about people who have said ugly things. if you are worried i am tlaking about you- just ask. i don't bite. promise.
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