grrrrr

i really don't know how well this placement will work out- she (teen) would rather be somewhere where she just has a bed. ie some place that dosn't give a rat's butt about her- she has alot of support from her sis and godmom, they just arn't willing to keep her all the time. frankly i find it hard enough sharing custody of a child with another parent with my stepson, but this is 10xs harder. i really wanted to mentor her, but she is never here and the baby is gone like 12 hours and day (then gone fri-sun with her) so whatever job CPS wanted me to play as protective of her is nill and void. i have not even held the baby since friday. the mom flys off the handle if i say anything at all about any expectations i have of her. the caseworker is no help. i am frustrated and feeling pretty useless- i could deal with the frustrated, but i am no good at useless! i really dont see what she/cps needs me for, besides a bed- and i don't remember opening a hotel!
grrrr

blah

so i was DOWN FOR THE COUNT yesterday, knocked out with the flu, unable to evewn get out of bed. i did manage to talk to the case worker, who was no help. i am still recovering from yesterday- i havn't been that sick in along time!
on other news- the 12 year old i mentioned back in oct will (most probably) be coming to our home starting spring break.Lucca says she dosn't mind sharing her room, sweet girl!

all is not well

when it rains it pours, right?
sebastian and lucca have the flu. and there is trouble in teen-land. see, something the caseworkers neglected to tell me until placement was my teen spends her weekends (fri afternoon-sun evening) at her godmom's house with her sister and brother. so basically i am sharing custody with another family, but i have full responsibility. fun stuff. last weekend was rocky this weekend way worse. teen was totally late without any call, or apology. and tells me at 930 pm mind you that her sister will be watching her baby tomorrow. and she cant see any reason why this should be a problem for me. she seems completely different, like her meds arnt working- totally irrational. now she is refusing to go to school tomorrow and says if cps doesn't like it then she will take off with the baby...umm great plan honey..sigh
i am so very yucky about this h=whole thing and can't wait to talk to her caseworker tomorrow morning.

great foster care videos-

how things are going

well , my life is wrapped up in school drama right now-
before "Star" (our foster daughter) came we researched schools for her. we found a charter school one city bus ride away that would allow her to go to school for only 4 hours a day, and they had open enrollment. but, to enroll you must go to an orientation meeting , only held on mon and tues. we got her on a tues, but it was way to much to try to go to the orientation the night we got them- then the following monday was presidents day, so we went last night. the caseworker wants her in school like yesterday, but this is the best school for her, so i convinced her to hold her horses- well went to the meeting, and the school is perfect for her. BUT, unfortunately it is full, and even though spots open up very frequently, they will not enroll anyone else till after TAKS tests, and then spring break- in FOUR weeks!!
So, i have to still jump through enrollment hoops to get her on the wait list, meanwhile get her into a regular high school for the interim. this stinks- i am really nervous about sending her to regular schools for four reasons- 1. she needs to be with her "Chubs" as much as possible, her baby grounds her. 2. Chubs has special needs that require weekly visits to a specialist, which only Star can take her too, since ?Chubs isn't in CPS care. with regular school, she will have to miss school part of the day every week. 3. Star has anxiety issues and anger issues when put in institutional settings, all though she does great in closer, more personal ones. regular school will bring out the worst in her. and #4 She is exclusively nursing now, and i am almost sure she will not keep it up if she has to pump several times a day in a school bathroom, i would give it a week, :(
So I am praying for miracle right now!!

heartbreak

after a few long talks with my new foster daughter, my heart hurts for her. It's hard to believe that so many things have happened to one young woman. neglected by her mother, one of 15 children, she is then adopted by her foster parents along with her sister. then she spends the next several year enduring constant abuse..cruel cruel psychological torment... yet she pulled through ..wants so badly and trys so hard just to be a good mama. she told me while looking at her baby that finally she had someone who was hers. she just wanted to be loved.
we went out today and shopped for nursing-friendly clothes and nursing bras, i am so thrilled she is nursing, really. she is very proud of herself too. she said her mother never nursed any of them and she wanted to be a better mom than her.

they are here

and it is going great so far. the mama is nursing! (imagine me doing the happy dance), and we have been talking about pumping when she goes back to school on monday. she told me her birth story which i thought was really sweet. you can tell she adores her baby and i have not even been able to hold her ! lol
we also got another new member of the house yesterday-
meet tinkerbelle





she is half siamese and half ragdoll, and she is TOO cute

tomorrow is the day

the teen and her baby are coming tomorrow! i am freaking out.... i am going to be a foster grandmother tomorrow.yikes

waiting

everything is slow go around here. we are just waiting for CPS to approve our varience (approval to have more than 6 kids in the home). my agency said it shouldn't have taken this long, and that we were approved, just waiting for the hard copy. Once we have that they (CPS) wants the 16 year old mom/baby pair to come to our home. so we wait, as we have been for over three weeks now. It's fine, i am in no hurry. But, i feel bad for her being at a shelter with a little baby, and also i want her to come here, because when i talked to her she said she was nursing her daughter, and i am worried that without support she may not do it for long. i know she'll get TONS of support here :)

and with Sweetpea, no news. she dosn't have a worker, conservitive or adoption. no one calls. i just assume we wait till the three months is up, then hire an adoption lawyer so we can be final. (i hope nothing happens to make anything more complicated than that!)