3 months

i cannot ,for the life of me, belive it has been three months. is this how it goes, the months just ticking by? another month further away from her... i try not to bring her up (but fail miserably). i know people don't want to hear. they don't bring her up and they just ignore the comments when i make them.
It still sucks , by the way. i still wake up at night and can't sleep because i can't stop thinking about her. I still replay every event in my head several times a day. I still miss her-like you might miss your arm if someone chopped it off. maybe that image will help some to understand. if you can't regrow your arm-don't expect that time or another baby will give me back Aquila.

art and teenager

well i have been doing art recently, but i want to unveil it later... hehe

and the teen spent the weekend. it went great, and if all goes as planned she will move here with her little boy this week. Something i did not know before this weekend is that she is giving up the baby she is pregnant with for adoption. Again, i have to point out she does have her head on her shoulders. She knows that raising two kids on her own would be a very difficult struggle, and she wants what is best for the baby.

Overnight visit

So, we have a referral. for a 19 year old. she has a 13 month old child and is pregnant.
first of all- with this and many other things, i am having this strange Dejavu... like everything this year is just like last year..but last year happened...i don't know. i wish i could go into it more, and i will. but not yet... i need a few weeks...
anyhow, this girl must have her head somewhat on her shoulders to stay in care. she did that by choice, so she could finish her education and not be on the street with two children. Smart girl :)
and being in care is certainly no picnic. it is like having crazy bureaucratic parents, who sometimes helicopter parent you, and sometimes disappear for months. you never know what to expect. never know where you are going to live. but, she is choosing that. because it is better for her kids.
so, she is coming over tomorrow morning to spend the night and go with us to church on Sunday. we will get a feel for her,and she will get a feel for our family.....
so i will keep everyone posted!

blessings and changes

there are two things i have been thinking about yesterday and today.

the first is blessings, or more aptly what a believer sees as blessings. i have noticed in myself , and others, that believers count some things as blessings that the "world" does not.
- Things like a large family. In our culture (as i am sure anyone is aware) having more than two children is seen as a risky endeavour at best, a burden and drain at worst. But the believers i know find that EVERY child is a blessing, not just the first two, or the ones that come "at the right time".
- Things like a child born with special needs. Did you know that 9 out of 10 woman who find out they are having a baby born with Down's abort??
9 out of 10!
and these are woman who want a baby! yet they are willing to kill their own flesh and because it is not perfect... Yet i know, that for myself, i would count a child with that disability , or any other a blessing. and i know this is something God has wrought in my heart. With Kiryn and Lucca's pregnancy i was afraid of that exact outcome, yet now my heart is so soft to those children that, if my husband agreed, i would adopt a baby with Down's syndrome in a heartbeat. Funny the ways God shapes out hearts!
- things like . we count it a blessing for a believer , or a little child to pass on, as we know that for them-- they are now in the most wonderful place for all of eternity. we KNOW they have no more tears!! I am very sad in missing my darling baby . i ache for her...yet at the same time i rejoice! i know where she is, i have no doubt in my mind, no fear for her well being. i know she is safe and loved...and a mother knows these things. we know when our children are safe, even when we can't see them.


the other thing i have been thinking on is something my pastor said , that i want to pass on to you believers out there. he pointed out, that we do not need to cross the ocean to work in missions. as believers we are all called to be missionaries to everyone we are around. he said that if you are not seeing people changing and coming closer to God, you need to do a serious evaluation of yourself. We are lights to world, and people will know us by our fruits. when people see fruits, they are drawn closer to the Lord. it is a simple fact! like moths to a flame, we are drawn to light of God. if people are not drawing closer to God who are in your life, you need to find out why your light is being hid in a bushel!
Galations 5:
²² But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness, and self-control.

reborns

okay, so if you have yet to introduced to the world of reborns, just google it. Basically, it is the art of creating baby dolls that look and feel as much like real newborns as possible. i have been drawn to these, but with ebay auctions in the hundreds (up to 900!) i simply don't have that kind of cash for a doll (who does??). anyhow. i have this old vinyl doll from my childhood who had seen better days and needed a new body anyhow. i thought, well what the heck, lets experiment! so i bought supplies (cause i do apparently have money to spend on any art project )(from my fund labeled "therapy! lol), and set to work. this baby i gave to Lucca, who has since never left her alone. she even sleeps with her. i think this is very healing for her.






then after learning alot from my mistakes with that one, i bought a vinyl kit and set to work on this one.

new piece

some pieces of art i have been working on

both pieces are in polymer clay. i am really enjoying this medium.