Dear NICU nurses and doctors.
First off, thank you for saving my baby's life. Without the staff and life saving equipment of the NICU at Seton hospital my daughter would not be here today.
There is one particular Neonatologist, one lactation consultant, and 4 Nurses who were so unbelievably kind and supportive to me. They went over and beyond their jobs and treated me like a human being. I will never forget you women. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving light to such a dark, scary time.
To the other doctors and nurses who cared for my daughter-
Realize when you go into work everyday and care for those babies- they are someone else's children, not in any way your own. Don't get into pointless power struggles with the parents over things like lotion or feeding choices. you will not be raising these children. Do your job, don't take over their's (parent). When you search for your patient's parents blogs online and find them, don't say nasty things about them behind their backs to other nurses and doctors. They will hear about it all.
This is probably one of the hardest things they have ever had to do. Their brand new baby is struggling to breathe, eat, grow. You have no right to judge them for how they process this.
Some of us want to spend every waking minute in there holding our baby. Some of us can't get to the NICU very often due to families, jobs ect.
You have no right to judge us about these choices. Some of us want to exclusive breastfeed. we don't want our babies getting bottles. We are not freaks. please don't treat us this way. some of us don't want to breastfeed at all. we are not bad mothers. please don't treat us this way.
Everyone is not like you. everyone does not parent like you. Your judgment does our patients a disservice, and i truly hope you reflect on my words. I heard the things you said about me, about other parents. I felt you annoyance and disdain for me. i heard about your "tattling" on me to the doctors. Despite your opinion, my daughter was growing just fine with me holding her all day. It has taken me 7 months to put it into words just how yucky you made me feel day in and day out. had it not been for your co-workers i would have lost my mind.
7 comments:
I can relate so much to this. We spent a week in the NICU with Sage. There are a few that really "got it" and a few that were there to do their job. There was one Neonatologist who was outright mean. I really wonder if they know how I still remember how hurtful she was...I wonder if she cared. Many hugs and I am so happy that you stuck to your guns and Willow is proof of that wisdom.
I am close to you. I am in SA.
My baby born in 2008 had a week long NICU stay. First 24 hours were terrifying and the rest was recovery.
Aside from one nurse who was, imo, a bit brusque with a freshly PP mom, I was thrilled with our NICU nurses and docs. We were very blessed with a chief neonatologist who is extremely pro-breastfeeding and even co-sleeping.
Like you, I am the mom of many but this was my first NICU experience and it was HARD. I was teary for much of it. Some women take the whole NICU separation in stride, it killed me. Thankfully the nurses were quite patient with me standing guard over my son all day and most of the night.
If I had had doctors and nurses treat me badly, question my parenting, I don't know what I would have done. I was so emotionally fragile and exhausted.
Many hugs to those of you who were beat up by the NICU (((HUG)))
I did have a horrendous experience with a well baby nursery once. The nurse I went toe-toe with actually told me when I was leaving she was glad to see me go.
oh Liz {{hug}} I have been putting off reading this post because I dreaded thinking about my own NICU experience with the twins. I swear sometimes I think I have PTSD from it. I have been putting off taking the twins back to the pediatric endocrinologist simply because it is in the same building and instead spending time on the phone getting them to do test locally. This Tuesday I can not put it off any longer and we have to go back, I have been dreading it. I wish I had your courage to tell them how wrong they did me while we were there. Because the twins were in two different NICUs I know that it can be done better and with more compassion. : (
I salute you for having the strength to write this. My hope is that not only some of the nurses will read this but also that maybe their superiors will as well and have some sensitivity training for them. There is literally no excuse to treat the parents that way. None.
Hi Liz. I'm sorry you were treated this way while Willow was in the NICU. I am fortunate that none of my babies was ever in intensive care but I got to experience (at least second handedly) how brutal it can be when my friend's baby was in the NICU for ten days. It was UNREAL how controlling some of the NICU staff was. She was made to feel completely powerless in regards to making any decisions for her baby. It was infuriating, and yet she couldn't help but be thankful that these highly trained individuals had saved her baby's life. The conflict in emotions is so difficult. I am glad this is all behind you and that you were able to vent some of those feelings. And I hope some of the NICU staff who read this will contemplate treating parents with more respect and compassion. Like you said, they are not the one's who will be raising these children.
Liz, that is very close to how I feel regarding my daughter's NICU stay as a full term infant. The turf wars regarding parenting in NICU are awful.
I am in the process of filing a complaint against one of the neonatologists. He diagnosed my daughter with brain damage, put it in her charts and *never* mentioned it to either me, or my husband. I only found out that my daughter had been diagnosed as such by going through her medical records.
I hate to read here and not just mention I was here. I am honestly quite speechless... I have nine little ones and have never had the NICU experience and hope never to have to. I just can't imagine. Your post was delivered in a gentle and beautiful way, thank you for sharing your heart, I am sure it will help others. Despite protocols and bad habits that eek into people's careers, I like to think most health care givers care.
(((((((((hugs)))))))))
~Rebecca
I could have written this. The NICU experience I had last summer when my son was born at 32 weeks was and is the most awful experience of my life. I have never been treated so poorly. I, too, insisted on breastmilk only, that I be there to hold him frequently, and that I be kept updated on everything. Other than 1 kind nurse and 1 awesome lactation consultant everyone else was horrid. I had an MA tell me that I should give him Neosure because my breastmilk was basically just water. We spent a long 34 days there and the day of discharge was joyous. I walked, well ran, out of there and never looked back. I am so sorry that you went through the same things. Love and hugs.
Post a Comment