time marches on. the days pass. when your baby dies-you are sure that time will stop- should't it stop? Shouldn't the world cease it joyful spinning,if only for a day, a week, a year?
you cannot fathom 2 years away. time without her too terrible to contemplate.
yet- the weeks creep by,pages relentlessly turn.
i am left with so much more of missing Aquila than i ever had of simply loving her. all the time i had to get to know her was hidden under my flesh her near my heart.It seems like, on days like these, she was just figment of my imagination- a private dream. She doesn't matter to the world anymore. To most she is merely something i should have gotten over by now. something that i am just stubbornly refusing to let go of.
No one says her name, hardly even me. I want to have her be part of normal conversations, but it so pains almost any audience- that whatever normalcy i tried for falls flat and heavy on the floor.
as my chaos slows after the move, i am left with deep and heavy sorrow. i miss her so much. How many ways can i say it? There should be a million words to describe the many ways that grief feels..like snow for Inuits.
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9 comments:
I am so sorry, Liz. I hope to never know this sorrow. Your grief pains me and I hope you know she has touched so many lives. This post was so beautifully written. I am crying for you. Many hugs, my friend.
I still think of your sweet baby often and the legacy you are leaving as you are real about your pain and determined to keep fighting for what is right through what was wronged with you. Praying for you as you creep towards the 2 year anniversary. XOXO from Texas.
Praying for you. Aquila does matter. Your grief matters to me. Her loss concerns me I never want another mother to go through this. :(
((((((((((((( hugs ))))))))))))))
Rebecca, mom to 10 in Alberta
Beautiful words, Liz, and heartbreaking. I'm so sorry for your pain. Just know that Aquila matters to me and many others, and I think about her often.
Liz, she is not forgotten. I know your sweet daughter made an impact on my life. I pray for moments of peace for you.
Aquila is NOT forgotten! Speak of her to me anytime; I think of her constantly.
Aquila is NOT forgotten, I think of her every day! Talk to me about her anytime.
Aquila has not been forgotten and she matters greatly. I remember her sweet face. And the way she was cuddled in her mamma's arms with her family surrounding her. I remember her beautiful name. And sadly, I remember that a beautiful life was lost for no reason. Yes, she matters and she is remembered. Most of all she matters to our God who created her. If only we could understand His love, even in loss.
I apologize that this comment is a few days late, but I wanted to let you know that I've been thinking of you a lot the pain week, especially on Aquila's birthday. While it saddens me deeply that she is not with you in person, her spirits lives on in many, including people like me who haven't had the honor to know you in person. Thank you for continuing to share Aquila's story and your family's life journeys. Lots of love to all of you.
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