i cannot ,for the life of me, belive it has been three months. is this how it goes, the months just ticking by? another month further away from her... i try not to bring her up (but fail miserably). i know people don't want to hear. they don't bring her up and they just ignore the comments when i make them.
It still sucks , by the way. i still wake up at night and can't sleep because i can't stop thinking about her. I still replay every event in my head several times a day. I still miss her-like you might miss your arm if someone chopped it off. maybe that image will help some to understand. if you can't regrow your arm-don't expect that time or another baby will give me back Aquila.
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14 comments:
Almost 8 months here, and I still replay every detail too, and I still miss her, and it never goes away.
Much love to you. 3 months is hard, was hard here, really hard. x
I think about her, too. And you. Just letting you know I'm out there reading. Your art has been so inspiring.
xoxo
It's been almost 5 months for me. In one sense it seems like it's been years, but in another it seems like it was just moments ago. I really never thought I could hurt so much. And people who haven't lost a baby (through miscarriage or still birth or whatever) seem to think that being pregnant again makes it go away. It doesn't, and in some ways I think it makes the pain even more profound.
*hug*
3 months here too. Our girls are severely missed. Sending you lots of love.
Hugs from afar. You know I just passed 20 years from my first loss, and yeah I thought about it all month. I look at every kid that age with an artist's eye, tilting my head and squinting, and imagining the face of my child. It's not just the loss of a child. It's the loss of everything you imagined. It's the loss of your innocence. *This* is the curse of childbearing.
"i try not to bring her up (but fail miserably). i know people don't want to hear. they don't bring her up and they just ignore the comments when i make them."
I find this hard to read. I rarely see you but cannot imagine myself or any other mama I know feeling they dont' want to hear or ignoring your comments. So sorry you feel like this and that you have experienced this.
Hugs
I just started reading your blog,I found you through the 365 site and your art work really touches my soul. I too have felt that people don't want to hear about my loss (6 months ago). The first month everyone was so supportive, then they all just got back to life as usual while I was frozen in time reliving all the details. I know all too well what you are saying and I'm sorry it's that way for many of us. I just read on someone else's blog the other day that she tries to think of being one day closer to seeing her baby rather than each day being further from the time she held her. I'm trying that outlook on for size. "Can you re-grow an arm?" I love that...I may use that if I need to, it's a very good way of putting it.
Many (((hugs)))
I totally agree with your losing an arm analogy... it's just never the same without them here... and yes, everyone else has seemed to move on. That's why I'm glad to have babyloss mamas to lean on at times like these... We remember even if no one else does... Hugz.
Sweet friend. I want to hear. I'm still praying. I'll start to say it out loud more.
Love you Liz..I don't know what to say..but I am open to hearing your thoughts..I really love listening to you. I just don't want to say anything that will take away from your sweet Aquilla..there just aren't the words..still praying for you.
I know what you mean about people not wanting to hear - changing the subject every time you try to talk about your loss. At least here on your blog you can be heard long after it seems everyone else has stopped listening or caring. Thanks for sharing your story. Your words and your art ensure that Aquila will never be forgotten.
So sorry that you are experiencing people who are not wanting to hear about Aquila. I am still reading, still thinking about you and her. I'll keep praying for you to find peace...I can't imagine how you feel.
i know it's such a tough time and i'm sorry you have to bear this loss. i am praying that you will find that person or people you can talk to about your daughter. she was beautiful and her life mattered in this world.
I'm still here reading, Liz, and thinking of and praying for you.
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