Wow. 6 months. half a year. a lifetime.
there is no way to make you understand how different one little life , and it's leaving, can alter a person (unless , of course, you have lost a child yourself)
I can barely remember the person i was before Aquila. 6 months later it is easier, and it is harder. The pain is no longer acute, hemorrhaging. But somewhere in the last months it became apparent that this was a pain that was chronic..would be something i will live with forever. Will always keep me from sleep, and make certain activities painful. it will become more and more hidden from everyone but God and me, but no less real.
Today i have the pain of knowing that 6 months ago, you were still alive. you had a chance, baby girl. And i failed, others failed, and now you are gone.
Tomorrow i have the pain of fathers day, and knowing that my relationship with my father is nothing if not more distant than it was this time last year. And the following day i have the pain of looking in the eye the woman whose mistakes cost me my child.
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9 comments:
So beautifully said. "More and more hidden, but no less real" - this really resonates with me. Thinking of you.
Praying for you and Gabe over the next few 'hard' days.
thinking of you dear.
This is a beautiful post. "no longer hemorraging," great choice of words. Your're in my prayers.
I'm sorry, Liz. Thinking of you and Aquila.
Sending you love and strength, especially over the coming days. x
Thinking of you. XOXO
What a difficult time you have endured. I pray for you and beautiful your family. All the best with the coming processes.
Liz, my prayers for your strength today as you bear witness for Aquila. I have not experienced stillbirth or loss during birth, but for 9 pregnancies (including 2 sets of twins) I have 5 living children, and your words on pain becoming more hidden but no less real resonated with me strongly.
My prayers for you and your family, for courage today and healing.
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