an open letter to the NICU staff

today we all went to the NICU reunion, held at the park near by the hospital where Willow was born. Seeing all those familiar faces brought back a lot of memories and clarified some things for me. so now 7 months later i want to tell some people some things --- i know some of the NICU staff still read my blog, maybe they will pass this along to the rest....

Dear NICU nurses and doctors.
First off, thank you for saving my baby's life. Without the staff and life saving equipment of the NICU at Seton hospital my daughter would not be here today.
There is one particular Neonatologist, one lactation consultant, and 4 Nurses who were so unbelievably kind and supportive to me. They went over and beyond their jobs and treated me like a human being. I will never forget you women. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving light to such a dark, scary time.

To the other doctors and nurses who cared for my daughter-
Realize when you go into work everyday and care for those babies- they are someone else's children, not in any way your own. Don't get into pointless power struggles with the parents over things like lotion or feeding choices. you will not be raising these children. Do your job, don't take over their's (parent). When you search for your patient's parents blogs online and find them, don't say nasty things about them behind their backs to other nurses and doctors. They will hear about it all.
This is probably one of the hardest things they have ever had to do. Their brand new baby is struggling to breathe, eat, grow. You have no right to judge them for how they process this.
Some of us want to spend every waking minute in there holding our baby. Some of us can't get to the NICU very often due to families, jobs ect.
You have no right to judge us about these choices. Some of us want to exclusive breastfeed. we don't want our babies getting bottles. We are not freaks. please don't treat us this way. some of us don't want to breastfeed at all. we are not bad mothers. please don't treat us this way.
Everyone is not like you. everyone does not parent like you. Your judgment does our patients a disservice, and i truly hope you reflect on my words. I heard the things you said about me, about other parents. I felt you annoyance and disdain for me. i heard about your "tattling" on me to the doctors. Despite your opinion, my daughter was growing just fine with me holding her all day. It has taken me 7 months to put it into words just how yucky you made me feel day in and day out. had it not been for your co-workers i would have lost my mind.

Willow updates

I have been busy..very busy- holding my baby. my day consists of waking at 7 am to pump, scarfing down some oatmeal and packing my stuff and heading out the door. I drive to NICU and spend the next 9 hours there, holding Willow and trying to breastfeed her. I pump every two hours during the day, usually with her in my lap. i then go home at 5pm to eat dinner with my family. i come back up to the NICU after shift change at 7:30 pm and stay till about 10pm. Then i drive home in a daze, pump and sleep for 4 hours, till i need to pump again.
but every minute is worth it. i could hold her 24 hours a day. i hate putting her down and driving away.

So, as far as her progress. She started off on a CPAP machine which blew air into her lungs under pressure. She had all feeds by IV and was on IV antibiotics for 10 days. She was jaundiced (put under Billi lights).She had to stay under a radiant heat warmer in just a diaper to maintain her temp. She blew out IVs like most people change socks- 10 (or more??) IVs placed in 10 days....
She had multiple apnea spells and heart rate dips, for which they put her on oral caffeine. She had one dose of surfactant to lubricate her lungs. She had a spinal tap and countless blood draws.
She dropped from her birth weight (4 pounds) down to about 3pounds 14 ozs.

Now,at 16 days , Willow is rocking the NICU. She has done better, faster than anyone predicted.

She is over her birth weight (4 pounds, 1 and 1/2 oz). no more IV antibiotics or feeds. no infection. no more breathing apparatuses. She is breathing room air without help. She has been taken off the caffeine and we are waiting to make sure her heart rate stays steady. She is fed through a tube in her nose. My milk supply has risen to enough for two Willows!
She has been trying at the breast all week and has had two real swallowing feeds there (yesterday and today)

She has moved into a regular infant bed and is wearing (tiny) clothes.

Like i said, she is a rock star!

All she needs to do to come home is learn to eat for all her feeds and continue gaining weight and keeping her heart rate steady.

So any prayers towards those goals would be welcomed!

God is good and everything he does is good. Thank you Lord!