rally

this last month my family participated in a rally at the Oregon state capital. the midwives were there, rallying for lower requirements, and we were protesting them. you see, in Oregon, no midwife is required to carry a license, and many do not.it is one of only two states that allow this. To further iterate- that means ANYONE can say "i am a midwife" and charge money to attend human births. that means there is NO regulation for these woman and no accountability or consequences if they make mistakes. we protested along family who have buried babies, families that have babies who are permanently damaged from their births and woman who are permanently damaged from their births. we have a huge bunch of 37 balloons , representing babies that have died, or been injured and mothers who have lost their wombs in their homebirth attempts.here are pictures from the event

to the oregon midwives

a little bird told me yesterday that some of you have been talking about me...that some of you are very distressed that i am coming to your fair city. Some of you are worried i might shake things up, and topple your stauts quo-

thanks for making my day!

i hope any crappy cpms or unlicensed "midwives" are shaking in their boots at my arrival. I have great plans to change Oregon's midwifery situation to something that benefits mothers and babies- not woman who are too lazy or ill informed to get a real education or license.

if you refuse to get a license- i have no respect for you
if you have dead babies under your belt- i have no respect for you
and if you keep yourself in business by emotionally manipulating your clients - i have no respect for you

i also am not afraid of you- you have no power over me....


see you soon !

NARM

today i am mailing my NARM complaint....it is about 100 pages long with all the documentation i have. i will let everyone know what the results are!

more ? seriously?

this morning, bright and early i went down to the hospital.The hospital i went to the week before Aquila was born. i had been having uterine irritability, 103 fever and Aquila's heart tones were in the 200's (yes you read that right- 200's)..Only Faith had given me Tylenol at home, which had lowered my fever and also put Aquila's heart tones back in the normal range...

this whole time, almost 15 months, i have assumed that that OB who i saw that day was slightly at fault. Fault for not getting more tests run or keeping me in the hospital that day..
because as you see here
fetal heartones over 180 are considered to be "Significant Fetal Tachycardia' and can be caused by two things:
1. Chorioamnionitis (especially if maternal fever) or
2. Fetal arrhythmia or congenital defect (FHR >200 bpm)

i had a fever of 103 and Aquila's heartones were 190-200+ .

but the Tylenol masked the symptoms, and according to the records i pulled today, Faith Beltz made no mention of the significant fetal tachycardia to the OB. So the OB , seeing normal heartones when i came in, assumed i was just sick with a virus...
But had Faith disclosed the 200+ hearttones, he would have most certainly insisted on the only treatment for Chorio- induction and IV antibiotics...

and Aquila would have been born a week earlier, alive.

a friend's website

Sam's story

Little Sam was born on May 17th, 2010. His mother had an abruption and the homebirth midwife (CPM) missed an abruption until it was almost too late for little Sam. He was saved, but suffered major brain damage. His mother barely made it. Sam's case was heard in front of the same board who heard my case- the case is still open, although they gave probated suspension..but the midwife will almost assuredly be arguing the ruling.
Sam's midwife was Cathy Rude ---- surprisingly enough- also an ATM board member (just like Faith Beltz)

it is finished

so , 6 days later than legally they had to post it- the midwifery board posted the slap on the wrist that Faith Beltz CPM received for her negligence.
here
quoted from above:
Beltz, Faith Midwife 04005 Austin 22 TAC §831.58, 831.65 and 831.131-Related to failure to complete the Informed Choice and disclosure Form required by state law for a client and failure to perform an initial evaluation on client and failed to initiate immediate emergency transfer for chorio-amnionitis. 6 mo Probated Suspension and $500 Administrative Penalty 2/7/11

if you listen to the audio recordings from Sept, you will hear how her lawyer got them to re word the law quoted there, to make her sound better *insert rolling eyes*

The reform homebirth needs

Sebastian, at birth Oct 2006


well after living my life for the last year and two months i have been hard pressed to re examine many things that i held as facts. Death challenged many "facts" i thought i knew, and rocked me to my core. In the rubble left i have been carefully and painstakingly reconstructing something of worth from the pieces. i want, i need my daughter's name to matter. i need the world to change in some way because of her.
i know without a shadow of a doubt Aquila would be alive had i chosen a hospital birth from the beginning with her. i am pretty sure that my daughter would also be alive had i chosen a better educated, more competent midwife, and had thus transferred in a timely matter.
I cannot change the past however... i can only attempt to change the future. I believe that homebirth in America needs a serious revamp. Homebirth is not going anywhere. even though many people seem to think i want it to go away, they would be wrong. i do not. i fully grasp what is good and what potential for benefit lies in midwifery care and even in homebirth.
BUT
first off , until some major changes happen people need real information on what is up with the midwifery system, and what risks there are in homebirth. they need to know that study after study shows that homebirth has 3 times the neonatal death rate
here
over hospital birth. They need to know that homebirth should only be for low-risk woman - Currently every midwife i know will take a woman carrying twins and breeches, moms with histories of shoulder dystocia, diabetes, pre-eclampsia, GBS positive etc, etc, etc......
People need to understand that a CPM is nothing close to a CNM in training and skills.

I think ultimately we need three things-
#1 to create a uniform, nation wide standard for what is a midwife , what they can and can not do and how they must be governed.
#2 to abolish the title of CPM and have only midwives with a CMN or like degree.
#3 to integrate midwifery care into the health care system by covering midwifery care on all insurances (like Florida), and on Medicaid. But in the same token- require midwives to be just as well trained and as responsible as other providers who are- by upping the training to CNM level and by requiring malpractice insurance (also like Florida).


as i tell my children , if you want to be treated like an adult (professional), then act like one

some of you are now saying, 'why malpractice insurance?'
and some of are even saying things like this " malpractice insurance requirements will run midwives out of business and cause unnecessary lawsuits!"
really?
i guess you have never met a baby with extensive brain damage caused by a providers negligence...i have.
why should the parents have to pay what they in no way can afford so that midwives can practice without any liability?
because, sure a parent could try to sue a midwife with no insurance...but good luck finding a lawyer..and if she does? well the lawsuit will never get paid out, so the parent will still not get the money needed to care for the damaged child. how fair is that? you say that a midwife should not have to pay to protect her clients? don't most small business carry liability insurance? Aren't you and i and every other driver legally required to carry driver insurance?
If malpractice insurance runs midwives and home births out of business, than why is Florida's homebirth/midwifery community still alive and kicking?
Florida law requires all midwives to carry a certain level of liability insurance.
Florida law also requires all insurance providers to cover homebirth.
sounds like a win for both 'sides" doesn't it?


what do you think?

conclusion

sorry for the late update. i wish i had more to tell you. The board did not "re-hear" Faith's case. They mearly signed off on it.
i was however able to tell the board, especially Sylyna that i did not appritiate the way was i was treated in June.

here are the audio recordings from both the june and september meeting, and transcripts for the first half of the june meeting.


some of my "favorite" quotes include

"Faith: Well, I think what I'd like to just say first is I was surprised when your baby passed.... I did not know that the baby was in that immediate of a danger. Because of the signs we were seeing, I did not think the baby was in immediate danger. Otherwise, of course I definitely would've been acting quicker."

"Janet: I wish that there was a clear-cut answer for you, because I know that would really help the grieving process for you. But sometimes we just will never know for certain. We are looking at these issues, and we do agree with you, they should have been picked up sooner. But I wish I could tell you that would have made a difference. I don't know. Because babies die in the hospital with chorioamnionitis too.


: liz: That excuse is not really going to work here, because at least she'd have had a fighting chance. The big difference, when I'm walking around and having people blame me for the birth of my child...

Janet: This was not your fault, okay? It was not your fault. It was not.

Thalia: Where I live, east Texas, there's a family. They have nine children. They just had their ninth one, and the mother died [unintelligible] chorioamnionitis [unintelligible], and she was having a hospital birth. She had a hospital birth.

Janet: And it happens. I mean, infections happen all over the place, and it's just almost impossible to really pinpoint when, where, and how. And I realize it's probably little comfort for you, because you still are a mother without a baby in your arms, and we really are sorry for that.

Sylyna: Any other questions? Do you have anything you want to ask us? [unintelligible] suggestions.

Thalia: The first thing I'd like to say is that there's nothing that we can say or do that or that we can ask Faith to say or do [unintelligible] in any way bring back your baby.

Liz: I didn't come here for that."

"Faith: If I noted contractions, and I noted what the baby's heart tones...

Janet: No, Faith, listen to me. Listen to me. You did not come in and do a blood pressure, a pulse, a temperature, a respiration. You did heart tones. You didn't do a vaginal exam, you didn't note whether the baby was active or not, especially with those heart tones. You did not do an initial assessment. You did not. And that really is an issue, because you didn't do one."

unfortunately i do not have the other half transcribed yet. but if you listen to it you will here them tel me i cant bring back my baby again...tell Faith "we know you are a good midwife". you will here them say "we are saying that" when i say " no one is saying faith really screwed up"...among many other things.
after reading through that you will see Faith got "probated suspension' for 6 months.meaning she still can practice, but with stipulations. the stipulations were- not attending births alone (for 6 months), and she must go to a talk with another midwife about Chorio, and she must turn in 10 birth records.

and here was Faith's comment on her youtube channel to the comments made by others about Aquila's birth:
" This is Faith, the midwife being talked about here. I have just returned from Africa where even there I continued to assist in safe deliveries. I have attended hundreds of deliveries and work with another very safe and skilled midwife at CentreVida. The story that this family is telling of the birth is not true. This mother did not head my advice throughout both of the pregnancies and births I assisted her with. I pray one day she will make peace with her decisions. "

she has since deleted the comment. Nice huh, how now she blames me for "my decisions" killing my daughter, when she herself said on public record that " she did not think my baby was in immediate danger"...

it's about daily forgiveness.... because it is daily and forever grieving.


so, i feel i have done what i can do about Faith..now i have bigger fish to fry. Many people read my blog who are not "in my corner" , so i will not be publicly discussing my moves. i don't want a backlash burying the hard work i am doing. But suffice it to say, Aquila will not be forgotten.


lurkers who are supportive, why don't you say hello here in my comments? i love a good comment!

the bitter root

the post has been a long time coming. i write it. Then more life, more conversations, more prayer happens and it changes....
when i first lost Aquila i had no blame. the first thing i said to Faith when she came to the hospital was "i know you did everything you could". i had never seen her look so beaten down and i felt terrible for her. But, over the months things changed. i received birth records that claimed i refused to transfer. i herd rumors that i had refused to transfer. Things started seeming very fishy. I filed a complaint. i went to the board meeting in June to have the board hear my complaint. I told my/Aquila's story. I could not attend the Sept meeting since i was in the hospital with Willow. my husband and two of my friends who attended Aquila's birth went though. They came back and told me that Faith had stood up there, in front of a room full of people and lied about what happened. that she was trying to get out of the charges she had gotten.
that is when the anger crept in.

Up until then my interactions with Faith had actually been very warm. i have kept all our private emails and conversation private. But if anyone were to read them you would not see us in any way as enemies. But, apparently now we appear so. Faith has called me publicly and privately a slanderer. i have been told by people who care about her that i am on a "witch hunt". those are some harsh words. I suppose that would be like if i told Faith she murdered my baby. I am not lying about Faith, but she did not murder Aquila. She made some very bad decisions as my care provider, which lead to a preventable death of my daughter. I have told her story-which although it does not paint Faith in the best of lights- is accurate to the best of my ability and backed by 4 witness from the birth. It is not slander, because i did not lie. Hers was not murder, because she had no ill intent.

So as i am preparing for this Monday, which will be the final (hopefully) board meeting about my case, i am in turmoil.

this has been such hard work, trying to protect, trying to stand for truth. Unfortunately with all my good intentions, i got lost along the way. My grief and my anger became entangled and slowly tightened up on me, choking out my air. All the forgiveness i had for her was gone , left only with bitterness. and with bitterness and unforgiveness comes separation from God. Because, God cannot work in us when we hold anger in our hearts.
James 1:20
Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.

i tried to meet with her privately in December, but she refused to meet and called me a slanderer. I wanted to talk with her to have some kind of peace. But she told me she was now ceasing all communication by blocking my emails.

so , i am left to resolve things with her without her ...if that makes sense.

all i know is that i feel like this bitterness has corroded my heart without me even realizing the damage. I have to let go and let God heal me, let him bring justice and protection. i cannot express how hard it was to just type that. i need to forgive. again. and again...and maybe daily- for my sake, not hers.
The thing about forgiveness is that is has nothing to do with things being made right , or with restitution. Faith cannot give me back my daughter. She wont give me herself to talk with and help me work out things. she wont give me the truth... she might just go right on lying about me for all of her days. She probably does not even realize any more which way is up or down when it come to me and Aquila. I think to protect herself, she changed the story in her head.
Forgiveness is about paying someone else's debt. God does not make us pay back all of our sin, he forgives us. and he tells us to likewise forgive those who hurt us.


So, Faith, i forgive you.


And, friends please pray for me on Monday. i will be back in front of that board and it makes my stomach turn to think about it. i need strength and i need God to lead my mouth.
This is the passage i am looking to to guide me:


James 2
13 Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. 14 But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. 15 Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. 16 For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.

17 But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 18 Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.

how to file a complaint against a midwife in Texas

How to file a complaint against a midwife in Texas -

why am posting this? because , unfortunately, it is not as clear as it should be.
First off, legally every midwife is supposed to have a client sign one of these


(and several more pages)
called a disclosure form. My midwife never had me sign one and i have run into other moms who also never signed one. that becomes a problem if the client has reason to file a complaint. Then the client is like the woman who contacted me yesterday, scrambling around trying to figure out the system and where and to whom she should complain.
first off if you never signed one of those disclosure papers, she violated a BIG rule, she actually broke the law.
Laws for Midwives in Texas
from the above link:
SUBCHAPTER H. PRACTICE BY MIDWIFE
Sec. 203.351. INFORMED CHOICE AND DISCLOSURE REQUIREMENTS. (a) A midwife shall disclose in oral and written
form to a prospective client the limitations of the skills and practices of a midwife.
(b) The midwifery board shall prescribe the form of the informed choice and disclosure statement required to be used by a
midwife under this chapter. The form must include:
(1) statistics of the midwife's experience as a midwife;
(2) the date the midwife's license expires;
(3) the date the midwife's cardiopulmonary resuscitation certification expires;
(4) the midwife's compliance with continuing education requirements;
(5) a description of medical backup arrangements; and
(6) the legal responsibilities of a midwife, including statements concerning newborn blood screening, ophthalmia
neonatorum prevention, and prohibited acts under Sections 203.401-203.403.
(c) The informed choice statement must include a statement that state law requires a newborn child to be tested for certain
heritable diseases and hypothyroidism. The midwife shall disclose to a client whether the midwife is approved to collect blood specimens
to be used to perform the tests. If the midwife is not approved to collect the blood specimens, the disclosure must inform the client of the
midwife's duty to refer the client to an appropriate health care facility or physician for the collection of the specimens.
(d) The disclosure of legal requirements required by this section may not exceed 500 words and must be in English and Spanish.
(e) A midwife shall disclose to a prospective or actual client the procedure for reporting complaints to the department.
Acts 1999, 76th Leg., ch. 388, Sec. 1, eff. Sept. 1, 1999; amended 2005


I never received a disclosure statement. my midwife never told me her statistics. i had no idea of she did or did not have dr back up . i feel so stupid now for not asking for those things BUT LEGALLY she should have given me those things without me asking , in writing.
Did your midwife give you these things?

~~What if you think you should file a complaint, but you are not sure how to word your complaint?


These are the rules by which she is supposed to be abiding:
rules
Those rules not only tell you how your midwife should act in the prenatal care, birth care, and postpartum care, but also how the Texas Midwifey board acts, how the complaint process works and how midwives are disciplined.

~~Where else can you complain?

If your midwife is a CPM then you can complain to NARM:
http://www.narm.org/complaint.htm

If your midwife was a CNM (instead of a CPM) you can also complain to the nursing board:
here

~~How can you find out if your midwife already has had complaints?

well first off you can request your midwife's records here:
records request
This will give you any info on complaints made if they are closed. If the case/cases are still open you will not receive any info about them. The only way to know what happened at a complaint board meeting is to request an audio recording of the board meeting. you will receive a cd in the mail.
if your midwife has had a complaint, been disciplined and her case is closed you will find her listed here-
enforcements page
you can get all the details (minus confidential patient name ect) if you request the records from those enforcements.

~~Can you complain against a midwife if you are not her client, but she hurt someone you know/cared for?

Yes! many of the complaints that come in are form doctors or friends or family who are trying to pick up the pieces after a negligent midwife made mistakes.

how common is it really?

how common is homebirth death or damage?
i am contacted almost every day by another mother, or family member to a mother who has been affected. After digging through old emails and blog comments i have found so far, 8 mothers who contacted me about their baby's death at a homebirth, one contact from a close friend of a mom, 4 babies with permanent brain damage, 2 mothers who lost their ability to bear children, 4 babies who *almost* died but where saved at the hospital after transfer, and 3 "other" situations that were very bad situations that left the moms with scars of different kinds. i have been contacted by midwives in training who stopped training and prominent midwives who stopped practicing. i have been contacted by doctors and nurses. these people have the same stories to tell. big bad homebirth horror stories and the retaliation that follows from telling them.

what is going on here? why are the stories being buried??

aquila's video

here is the version without the bugs!

how the CPMs (lay midwives) made fools of themselves yesterday

first off i am sorry if you are a CPM and not a fool- there are plenty out there. But unfortunately for you you profession is riddled with childish, flaky and down right idiotic behavior.

yesterday was another midwifery review board meeting. For a refresher- the midwifery complaint review board is the only overseeing entity here in Texas for CPMs. CNMs are regulated under the nursing board, which i imagine is nothing like the board to which i am referring.
Months ago i submitted a complaint to the Texas midwifery complaint board- lets call them TMCB for the rest of the post. Since lay midwives don't carry malpractice insurance this was my only recourse against Faith Beltz, the lay midwife who's mistakes allowed the death of my daughter. June 21st my case was heard. i wrote a little about it here. At the time i did not want to elaborate on what happened because i was hoping to be able to argue for them to do more, and frankly, i was in shock due the unprofessional behavior i witnessed.
Last time it took 4 grueling hours of rehashing my story to three midwives, and three other board members. Two of the midwives have sat on another board to which Faith holds three positions.
here are the TMCB members
here are the members for the ATM, association of Texas midwives.
ATM sells the curriculum for CPMs to graduate.
of the three midwives two of them were
Sylyna Kennedy (the chair of the TMCB)
she is an A.T.M. Member: Associate, Lifetime
she used to be on the ATM board
she wrote the curriculum that ATM uses to train new midwives- Faith trained under this curriculum (the worse Faith looks, the worse Sylyna looks, since she wrote the curriculum Faith was trained with)
and
Janet Dirmeyer
she was an ATM board member for about ten years
she is an ATM member associate and and ATM preceptor

So now, tell me how these midwives can judge Faith unbiasedly seeing as Faith hold's three positions on the board they are so tied to?
They can't.
The last meeting had Sylyna winking at, and smiling at Faith. She even went as far as to say very early in the hearing "we all know you are a good midwife Faith". I am sorry, but that was the topic up for review, so NO we did not all know she was a good midwife. And, by the end of the last board meeting it was VERY clear she was not a "good" midwife. She was a midwife who made TONS of mistakes, not just one.
One of the guys on the TMCB hearing my case (i am told he is/was a lawyer) named Andrew MacLaurin told Faith if this had been a court case she would have been "torn up and down"
During the meeting there was about 20 or so midwives and supporters of Faith there. they were eating loudly, talking during the whole thing and one even brought in a toddler who was screeching during the meeting. HOW professional.
The crowd went as far as to BOO when the board gave Faith a 500$ fine for never giving me info about the board and HIPPa info to sign during the pregnancy.
For killing my baby she received probated suspension. She is allowed to practice, but not alone and she has to turn in her records and protocols to the board for review.
Well she chose to not sign the NOV (notice of violation), meaning she wanted to come back and argue her "punishment". Hence the second meeting yesterday.
I was not able to go, due to me being in the hospital here with Willow. But, Gabe, Amy and Bethany went in my place. All three were at the birth.
What happened in the case before mine was a midwife lost her license for not turning in birth certificates. YES, you read that right. a midwife lost her license for not turning in birth certificates, but Faith kept her license even after being responsible for an infant death.
Then came my case. Faith wanted to argue all 4 counts (my friend was sitting behind her when she was saying this). She got up there and started on the first one and the board didn't have any of that. they stuck to their original ruling.
YAY
not good enough, but better than nothing!
Then the case after mine? Another abruption. this time the baby lived but is brain damaged. the midwife only received probated suspension also. And these poor parents have no recourse to pay for the lifetime care of a severely disabled child due to the midwife not carrying malpractice insurance. NICE
So, on to some of the ways midwives make fools of themselves.
One midwife ran out after my friend Amy to tell her to ask "whoever is writing that blog that is bashign midwives and Faith Beltz to just stop" .
my friend said..uhhh , lots of people write blogs and i have no control over what anyone writes! Plus why on earth is she so worried about my little blog?
Another midwife stood up during the proceedings to shout about how Amy was lying about Faith having her stuff packed up when Aquila was born. She said "how come there are pictures of her with a bulb syringe?" (referring to my blog of course)
here, let me answer that for you sweety!
Faith did have all her equipment packed in the trunk. When Aquila was born Faith had nothing but her mouth to suck the blood from aquilas mouth/nose. She then tossed her keys to my photographer and told her to get the blue bag from her trunk. Then Katie Jo (photographer) brought the bag, Faith started using the syringe, then the Dilee. Only after giving her the bag was KJ able to snap the one picture i have of aquila from the birth (the bulb syringe one)



and finally an open letter to Faith Beltz C.P.M. -

Seriously Faith, seriously? You wanted to argue all these counts? You seriously think you deserve nothing for what you did? And on top of everything to LIE repeatedly , saying i refused a transfer? You are completely full of it. you should be ashamed to be adding insult to injury. Don't tell me you "think about Aquila every day" . I live an aching, bleeding memory to my daughter every day. If you had made different choices, she would be snuggled at my breast right now, but instead she buried in the ground. How can you live with yourself and argue the slap on the hand you received? it is truly deplorable.

the uphill battle

i am in the middle of writing so many letters, responding to requests for news articles, and preparing for the second go at the Midwifery review board that my head is spinning!
i just hope i can get my story across truthfully and successfully!

i had no idea i would ever be one of those political people...lol..until i was thrust into the middle of a hornets nest.

it would be so much easier to just turn away and shut my mouth, but that would not be standing up for my daughter, or protecting the countless numbers of babies to be born.

God, help me!

maybe getting somewhere

i have been working my butt off to get records so i can put together all the pieces, and take it one step further. it looks like i will be getting a tape of the hearing- which i would love to share some of the tidbits to it to all of you- i just want to make sure i get every word right.

meanwhile i have figured out why most mamas who lose there baby due to a " homebirth death " don't do all this... why they just try to forget..even when it was clearly an avoidable death.
oh, and i am preparing myself for the flames that may follow from this post...

1. when a woman plans a homebirth, she is surrounded by a community-whether it be online or ITRW or both- who fully believe in and support the ideologies of homebirth. When her baby dies, she is told it would have died in a hospital too. i have been told this more times than can count. If she dares to question this- she must prepare for backlash. At the review hearing for my midwife (to which i filed the complaint to open the investigation) the room was full of her supporters. they did not speak to me, only glared-even people i knew. these people actually BOOed and shouted when the board handed her a $500 fine. it was beyond humiliating. i have lost friends, and facebook friends, and family. i found out i am THE ONLY mom to show up to one of these! However, i am not the only mom to lose their baby to a midwife mess up...

2. In order to wrap your head around the fact that your baby could have lived you have to realize someone you have had a very close relationship with (midwife) could be at fault. This is very hard, much easier to pretend like "it was meant to be". Having to fully process everything about my birth has been the most difficult journeys of my life. Frankly, most people are not emotionally strong enough - especially after losing a baby.

3. woman who chose a homebirth, especially ones who chose it in spite of know risk factors (breech, twins ect) are going to be too busy blaming themselves and their choices to look at their care provider. Either that, or they have accepted the risk and the outcome that came from accepting that risk and they have settled it with the thought that" i knew this could happen. I made my choice"

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