Aquila's birth story

Birth of Aquila Jade Paparella- (written to my baby girl) Dec 19th 2009

Day of the 18th- overdue and hurting..had so many rounds of “false” labor. Take castor oil. Get the runs, but no labor. Still, I feel like you will be born tomorrow. Saturday...Saturday's child works hard for a living. I lay out the waterproof mat on my bed.
Midnight- wake up..why?? then GUSH..soak the waterproof pad. Giddy inside. You are coming today! I put on a pad and pull out the laptop..excitement...internet...contractions here and there.
4am- decide to sleep since they aren't getting stronger. Sleep till 6. get up and go on about my day.
11am- contractions have become regular. Gabe calls Yoshimi, the hair braider. . Amy comes to be my support, my friend..

Yoshimi braids my hair while I bounce on the birth ball. She pauses her braiding for me to moan through the surges.

(here is where I lose track of time- you are born at 5:26pm)
My hair is braided and I call Faith (midwife) to tell her I NEED to get in my tub-this hurts! I get in tub- bring more hot water-this is cold!..laboring...Call Katie Jo (photographer) and Faith, both will come in one hour...this is getting heavy..my back hurts so bad- did she turn posterior??
Faith comes, Katie Jo comes. Faith says that your heart rate is too high, baby girl...180... I check myself and can barely feel cervix.






Laboring...can't.keep.voice.low..feeling pushy at the end of each one. I pass three chunks of bloody mucus. Faith wants to check me- only 5-6- WHAT?! I can't do this. They (contractions/monsters?) are coming so strong, so close together...HOW can this not be doing anything??

They say I have to get out. my temp is too high. Baby, you need to cool off. Hopefully to lower your heart rate. Out I go, SO COLD out here. Dribbling, little gushes of blood. Worry.. I WANT AN Epidural... how can I make it that far??THEY won't stop holding me in vice grips, won't let go...

She checks me again-no change- your heart rate has dropped-160- they are glad...i am so scared... like a trapped animal I cry out from my eyes- to Gabe-to Faith- to Amy. I can't do this, I keep saying that. Moaning is screaming now. NO!>>>


We will go to the hospital..dressing. From room, down hall, down stairs- so many contractions. Two steps...stop scream...two steps...stop scream...downstairs, my children are watching TV.







outside-cold, bright, sunny...neighbor's children playing.
NO, not a contraction in front of them. Trying to hide inside Amy's car door. But... “i have to poop” they are laughing- that's the baby! I don't want to deliver in the driveway so back inside we run. pain has stopped, but I feel you right there, on the brink.
I head strait for the white couch. “Kiryn, OFF!” I shout. The children are herded upstairs by Bethany. I climb up, facing the back of the couch. You are crowning. I support with my left hand, and cup your growing head with my right. So slippery, hot.wet... you drop into my hands like to heavy, wet blobs. You fall to the couch. I hear Faith yelling (wait, Faith does not yell??), “pick her up!”
I do, I pick you up, but say “i can't any farther, her cord is too short” I look at your face. Blood is running from your nose. Your eyes are closed. No movement. Faith is sucking blood from your mouth with hers. She yells “get me my bulb syringe!” I try to wipe the blood from you nose, rub your back...
I sit down next to you, legs spread, you laying limp and white in between. They (faith, Amy) are working on you. CPR, chest compressions (looks like the doll from CPR class two months before) ...DeLee. I am sobbing, rubbing your feet. So long ago Faith called out, “someone call 911!”. such a limp foot... I touch the cord to see if it is pulsing. It is cold, collapsed...time has no meaning when a baby is silent..
CRY , baby, CRY! Sobbing..EMS flood the room, all around my baby. Faith says, “is that your placenta?” I am moaning, contracting. I think it is...but, no it is a clot, the same size ..then more smaller balls of blood. Another contraction...placenta...GUSH
Me, asking Faith, “is there any way she could live?”
….............................. “she's not going to make it”
I know it's true , baby, I know it. But, still they are working. They are taking you away from me, loading you up, headed for the children's hospital.
I never see you warm again. They are loading me up. BLOOD everywhere, soaking, standing, staining....you were born in a river of blood, baby girl....

Angels all around

yesterday i got news i have been waiting for since Aquila's birth- i now know she was 8 pounds even, 20 inches long and had blue eyes!
i also received a precious gift- a nurse at Dell children's ER name Elsa held my baby girl after they called her time of death. she swaddled her, put a knit cap on her head and held her in her arms for an hour and a half until the medical examiner picked her up.
See, i was transported to another hospital because of my hemmoraging . so, i was not with my baby to hold her. i could not go to her, and they (medical examiner) would not let her body come to me. it was a living nightmare. all i wanted was to hold her and see her, to memorize her face. the fact that at least someone held her gives me so much comfort.i was able to talk to and thank the nurse. she said she knew how much i must have wanted to hold her, and she just couldn't let her lay there alone. she said she had prayed for our family since then.

Mathew 25
34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. 36 I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’

37 “Then these righteous ones will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? 39 When did we ever see you sick or in prison and visit you?’

40 “And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters,[f] you were doing it to me!’

Aquila pictures

TRADING MY SORROWS
SONIC FLOOD


I'm Trading my Sorrows
I'm Trading my shame
I'm layin them down, for the joy of the Lord
I'm Trading my sickness
I'm Trading my pain
I'm layin them down, for the joy of the Lord

We say, yes Lord, yes Lord, yes yes Lord
We say, yes Lord, yes Lord, yes yes Lord
We say, yes Lord, yes Lord, yes yes Lord, Amen.

Though we're pressed, but not crushed
Persecuted, not abanded
Struck down, but not destroyed
I am blessed beyond the cursed, for his promise will endure
That His joy's gonna be my strength

Though the sorrows may last for the night
His joy comes in the morning

I'm Trading my Sorrows
I'm Trading my shame
I'm layin them down, for the joy of the Lord
I'm Trading my sickness
I'm Trading my pain
I'm layin them down, for the joy of the Lord

Aquila Jade Paparella

she was born at 5:26pm on sat the 19th of december. she never took a breath. her placenta abrupted minutes before birth and she was born in a river of blood. we buried her today. i will post more when i can.

holiday family picture 09

 

thanks for the quote Rashana!

"A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man must seek Him in order to find her."
Author: Unknown


exactly

that time of year again !

it's getting close to Christmas again, time for giving ! If you are looking for somewhere worthwhile to give your money- PLEASE PLEASE consider sponsoring a child through Reese's Rainbow-
this ministry is one that speaks to my heart so profoundly. The money you give to sponser a child goes strait into their adoptive parents' adoption funds. 100 % is going towards bringing these young children with Down's syndrome home to their waiting families.
Did you know that these children are really on borrowed time?If not adopted by age 4 they are sent into mental institutions for the rest of their lives. If their family can't bring them home in time, they will never have a home...
watch this video to see some of the faces of these waiting children and follow the link on the right side of my blog to go the site and pick a child (or children) to sponsor this season!!

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

updates

so, here is what happened:
they moved her and somehow convinced her not to speak to me. she won't call me back or answer my calls. i have no idea what has happened with her and it breaks my heart... so, there is why i haven't posted any updates. i don't understand, so i can't explain.

Sebastian turns 3!!

Happy birthday my sweet, sweet boy!!! you are a joy to me and a blessing from God !

the rollercoaster

so after everything, court was a complete suprise- and not in a happy birthday! kind of way...
they have decided (not the judge mind you-they had the hearign reset) to move foster daughter to her daughter's foster home...
the problems with this are very real...
-this is a single, working foster mom to only A's daughter. she has never had teens, and she works all day long. foster daughter will be at home alone all day long (since she does homebound) with no rides to her appointments (therapy, OB), her classes (twice a week parenting), and ~~here's the kicker~~ her daughter has to remain in daycare all day long, and A will not be allowed to take her anywhere ever, so she can't even come over here and visit if she wants to be with her daughter. Plus there is the fact this woman (sweet as she may be) has been raising this little girl since March, so not only will it be VERY akward for A to "parent" her daughter ..but this is one report away from A losing everything. If A makes one misstep- coming in late, not doing chores on time, ect- all the foster mom needs to do is tell the case worker and A is outta there, without another shot. And you better believe that foster mom will be on alert to anything- even if she thinks she wants to support reunification. she is biased. she wanted to adopt this little girl she has been the sole care provider of for almost 7 months. this is just human nature here..
the whole situation smells to high heaven like a FAIL set up for A. She is heartbroken and freaking out- because not to mention all the other stuff- but A does not do well with change. she is finally comfortable and settled. we have worked out our kinks and this feels like a home to her... now that is being taken away, just like it always is. she wants family, one to be in and the one she is creating with her children. she dosnt want to be yanked back and forth like a rag doll.
OH YEAH! almost forgot- the true kicker to this move! the foster mom has said REPEATEDLY she CAN NOT keep A once she has the baby. so it another GUARUNTEED move for A and children in Jan, strait from the hospital after giivng birth..you heard me right, THIS is CPS's BRILLIANT plan.....
PLEASE PLEASE keep praying- i know God can right this wrong, i know he can and does make good situations out of bad. We need some more divine intervention!

he has provided

God is so faithful!
He has provided a way to over and abundantly provide the funds for a nanny! And , he did it in perfect time. now, i can go into court on Friday saying we have a plan, and A (foster daughter) doesn't need to be moved anywhere!!
Maybe, with this new info they will be more keen on returning her daughter to her, as this gives her a solid and stable place to raise her.
I am so excited and revived to get such a strong YES answer from God on the direction we should be headed. i can't say it enough- he is so very faithful!!!

prayers

So we are in a bit of a pickle... CPS has decided that they want to move foster daughter to another foster home ASAP because they don't think i can handle it after my baby comes. (they are probably right about that!) But my husband came up with a solution- hiring a full time nanny (at least for dec and jan ((i am due dec 15th, she is due jan 1st))). now, the problem with this is well...money. Gabe makes good money, but we don't have anything close to the cushion for hiring someone 40 hours a week at $10 an hour.. So, i have been praying like crazy that God would provide a way. Foster daughter doesn't want to move and i don't want her to move . So, if it is God's will for her to stay here, money should be a minor thing, right? After all, God owns it all! Still, i am so human and prone to worry. We have court next friday and we really need the money by then , so we can provide the alternative to the judge so she will ask her NOt to be moved. All the verses i keep coming across in my daily bible reading center around being still and letting God fight for you---so i need to remind myself about this!

So, please pray for us!

some good news for a change

ok so good news all from this week~~
1. we FINALLY got the insurance to approve my midwife as an in network provider, meaning they will cover 100% !!!
2. I found my birth (sebastian's) video! apparently after ex-foster daughter stole my video camera she took out the tape and threw it in a box !!
3. my bathroom remodel is DONE!!!! now i just need to have the insurance come out and check everything and we should get the rest of our money!
4. current foster daughter got approved for homebound- meaning i no longer have to drive 2 hours a day to get her to and from school!

YAY

other things are still stressful, but i am feeling very blessed by God today!!

sinking

ok guys -
i am stressed..not stressed but STRESSED. i need to explain and have wanted to type about it all for awhile, but RUBY ripped all the keys off my keyboard and it just got fixed....
anyhow- let me start off by saying I adore my foster daughter- she is a sweetheart. so it's not that---
background- she has a 2 year old that CPS has taken from her- for NOT substantial reasons in my most humble opinion... so when taking on this placement, i was also taking on a BIG fight with CPS...and of course i am very pregnant and tired ect...
we have been running around like mad doing everything under the sun to fill her requirements as a foster child, her case plan as a birth parent, and a million and one extra tasks just to REALLY "prove" that this mom can care for this child...
literally guys i run her 1-4 places a day..often dragging along my 9, 8, 5, 2, and 1 year old.
i have bad bad back and pelvic pain right now (thank you fourth pregnancy) and need to go to a chiropractor, but have not had the time to make or go to any appointment for myself because my life revolves around appointments for everyone but myself.
so with all that in mind- before court a few weeks ago the baby's worker came over for a pre-court visit. i cleaned like crazy...everything but my room...where my foster kittens are - they had dragged laundry and papers everywhere and frankly trashed it. but that is my one place i dont worry about. it is MY space. no kids sleep in there and my foster kiddo doesn't ever even go in there. but- the worker apparently checked the room without asking or telling me-
then after leaving, she contacted my worker and told them she had concerns about the cleanliness of my house..oh, and the heat upstairs..it has of course been over 100 almost every day here and my air runs constantly, but at 3 pm in the afternoon upstairs is still probably about 78-80. apparently i am not providing adequate temperatures for my fosters-
sigh and my worker (well now ex-worker) and i don't exactly...hmmm how to put this?...get along? see eye to eye? think the same way??
she told me this stuff in a way that FREAKED ME OUT..very cryptic..no specific things i could do- it took weeks to get all the details...
when she left i cried...actually sobbed for THREE hours..i wish i was exagerating ! all while furiously cleaning . i freaked out so hard i gave myself contractions.
actually even typing about it makes me tear up again.
why you ask? well i am stressed.. i am doing everything i possibly can do , trying my hardest to do everything for everyone- but then i was told i was failing based on the one thing i let go.
the things i need to do, my to-do-list, expands daily just when my beloved mother's helper of two years has to quit because she will be having her own baby any day...
trying to find someone to replace her is like pulling teeth...
my husband is trying to help me, but honestly can't do much to lift the load off me and that makes me mad at him.

maybe right now some of you are reading this saying "Well i would just stop all this fostering nonsense.."
but if you said that in your head just now- then you don't understand.
this girl needs me. i am literally the only one capable of getting her back her daughter and stopping the CPS train that is running over her. if i gave up i KNOW almost 100% she would lose her baby.
plus she says we feel like family- and i feel the same way about her . i don't know when or how it happened, but somewhere in this she has seemed like one of my own -much more so than any of my other fosters. i want to protect her. i want to fight for her. she needs someone to do that.

so i keep trucking on.

but guys..i am so stressed. i don't know what to do to ease it.....

breastmilk butter

this post

Suprisingly,i get my most Google traffic from the search words "breastmilk butter". I tried this experiment awhile back and now i want to add my ideas for helping those desperate to make their own milk into butter for sore butts or maybe for a fattening-up-a-tiny-toddler spread...
-use lots more milk than i did ,like 8+ ozs
-use your highest fat milk. if you have pumped alot you know some milk is creamier than other batches. this is from the hindmilk and this is what you want.
-blend for longer. it will change to a thick cream,then it will really thicken up to butter.
good luck!

update

so, it's been a while. i blame it on my keyboard..see my little Ruby..well she is a firecracker, what can i say? she has broken several keys on my keyboard, making it very difficult to type anything of any substance..now i have been rescued by hubby with a seperate keyboard for the USB port.
so, anyhow...things are going great ! my teen (MaMa)is doing great. she is sweet and fun to hanG out with. we are working hard on a plan to get cupcake back with her. she has court next week so the pace has been frantic. both our bellys are growing and it's fun to have someone to compare stuff with and give advice too.
I CAN'T BELIEVE i am half way done with this pregnancy! i didnt even think i would be able to have a baby any time soon and here i am looking at an early christmas present!!
God is so good!!!!

ultrasound results!

we have a healthy baby , with a healthy foot. It was very uncooprative with showing it's face and it took 5 minutes to get it to open its legs......


It's a girl and we have proof!

kittens- update

remember the sickly kitten from my earlier post? He, and the others are healthy and on thier way to getting adopted (soon i hope!). They have gotten fat and ADORABLE. they are complete purr buckets who love anyone to hold and pet them, even 2 year old boys..hehe

yes I AM crazy afterall! (glad we cleared that up!)

we took her. she is a sweetheart, how could I say no?
Now goal number 1 is helping her get her 2 year old back. i have never worked on the side of a birth parent before, so this must be God's way of teaching me balance...
The weirdest thing about this is that she and i are both pregnant and I am only 2 weeks further along. Ask Gabe in a few weeks what living with two pregnant woman is like..lol

how crazy do i feel like being?

back in Oct we had a potential placement of MaMa and cupcake .
well, today i got a call. they need a home for MaMa who is now 4 months pregnant and possibly cupcake who is now in amother home- it is a much more complicated situation than i feel like getting into. But, suffice it to say we are waiting, praying and asking a bunch of questions.....

i think Lucca wants more sisters

that might be why she spends so much time dressing up and doing the hair of her brother!!!

sick kittens

ugh! on friday i got a call from the program director of the rescue group i am fostering for- she told me i "forgot" one of the kittens at the shelter! - i did not forget- i got the whole sibling group, but she had wanted me to also get another kitten who i knew nothing about, and niether did the shelter. so i went to pick little Blue up. He is a 4 weeks older than the other kittens but the same weight. he has SEVERE diarreah and was/is severely dehydrated. to keep him alive i have been syringe feeding him sugar water mixed with high calorie kitten food. he is on three meds and now the other kittens are all coming down with a cold, and will have to get on meds.the kitten with the runs is pooping EVERYWHERE and i am cleaning the room multiple times a day. i have to wake up at night to give him the sugar water, just so he makes it through the night...i am SO tired. i signed up for healthy kittens. these kittens (especially one of them) need round the clock vet care. i am so worried one is going to die and i am going to have a kitten death on my hands...

pictures

these are the foster kittens, one is hiding! we have 5 and they are 8 weeks old. they are the skinniest, sickliest little things ever...i hope they get well quickly, poor dears!




here is a pict of the baby from about 3 weeks ago. i will get another one done in about 4 weeks, and then (hopefully) we will know if it is a boy or a girl..notice the cute crossed legs in this one though! and although it looks as though he/she does not , she DOES in fact have arms..lol

Father's day ramblings

wow this day is quite a day now. never was a blimp in my radar screen before.
i was raised by a single mom. never met my dad till i was 8. we wrote letters back and forth and only met once. i remember paddle boating on town lake...then he dropped out. i remember waiting for him to take me/meet me at some theme park, but he didn't show. i remember my mom telling me he wasn't interested in being a father. i remember hurting deeply over this.. then over the years that hurt got covered up and faded, until it became nothing but a blimp in my radar screen.i didn't need a father, didn't want one..but whatever i told myself does not change the fact that not having a father, being rejected by my father did have a profound impact in my life.i give all the credit to my Father GOD who gave me back the things my natural father never gave me.He gave me a self worth apart from who i am (or am NOT) in a man's eyes. he gave me love and acceptance.but most of all HE CLAIMED ME AS HIS! nothing stands in God's way to his claim on us. we are his , i am his.wether or not my earthly father claimed me when i was child or claims me now matters much much less in the face of such unfailing love.
(i must say for the sake of truth and kindness and forgivness- i have, and continue to forgive my father. He, like us all, is merely a failable human. I certainly will be the first to admit i have done many things to many people that i hope they can forgive me for. And the story i belived as a child was not the whole , complete and truthful story. it was not nearly as simple as my father didn't want me. that would not be true to say. And , last year i did find my father and now am able to slowly reconstruct the whole story (as much as is left to be found).Things are not perfect, but God's hand in on the whole situation , and in it i have found rest. I thank the Lord for giving me that missing piece of my life, my story back to me. I will continue to pray for a full restoration of the relationship-because i KNOW God has a heart for restoration...)
And now in my life fatherhood has taken on another meaning as well. i now have a husband, a father to my children. a kind, loving and involved father. how blessed am i? how blessed are my children?? I hope someday they see how truely they are blessed to have the father they do!

so, these are the thoughts floating in my head, today on the day we celebrate our fathers...

back to public posting!

ok i realize i have WAY less motivation to post when my blog is on private so i have set it back to public, yay!

here are our updates----
my pregnancy- i am finally heading out of the throw-up-everyday stage, but unfortuantly that transitioned into having migraine like headaches almost everyday..yuck . i am SOOOO tired of being down for the count, of my house being a wreck, of not being able to do lots of fun things with the kids.. i am ready to move into the land of the living!
our fostering- we are on the list- but only for babies and because of ratios ect ect they will only let us take super short term placements, which means we won't get a placement. So, we signed up to be kitten foster parents. austin is over-run with kittens and town lake animal shelter is putting them to sleep everyday. there is a new great orginization called Austin Pets Alive! . they pull pets off the euthinazia list every day, provide vet care care and put them in foster homes till they get adopted.so, this is who we will be fostering for!
our flood remodel- well most of this done, but we are still painting and we have yet to do the tile or flooring in the bathroom. again, i am waiting for some energy so i can do this!

adoption party

we had an adoption party on Sat, which rocked! my house was packed and there were cars all the way down the street.It was wonderful to feel all that love and support! It is slowly sinking in that Ruby is ours FOREVER...
It is a great feeling to know we don't have to deal with CPS ever again if we don't want to. However we have batted back and forth the idea of continuing to foster (babies only) for this pregnancy. we will see!

i am considering making my blog public again. i find i have way less motivation to post knowing that a large percentage of my readership can't read my blog. i haven't had a visitor from my blog-stalker in a few weeks and i have no teens in my house to be concerned about....what do you guys think???

Ruby Claire Paparella !

jan 08

easter






ADOPTION DAY!!

Adoption day!

we are on the court docket for thurs, may 28th at 9 am!!!

YAY!!! time for a PARTY!

ADOPTIVE PLACEMENT

we are doing adoptive placement of Ruby on WEDNESDAY!!! Then we just have to get our lawyer to do the rest!!!! i am browsing adoption announcements online and crying, i am so thrilled!!!!

moving on

well CPS's reaction to me grounding Dancer (for a week and not from everything, just dance classes) was to have her moving to sister's house tomorrow. i will never see Dancer again. it is a major bummer, but i suppose it comes with the territory... they never explained that losing your best friend comes with the territory, but ...

anyhow- we do have some REALLY good news to share also-

I am PREGNANT!!! we should have an early Christmas present this year :)

yay!

down

sorry for the total slowdown in posts. i have no time and am starting to get depressed about this whole fostering thing-
firstly though i have good news (i hope). they did not find anything filed for Ruby, so we are preceeding with the adoption. soon our lawyer will have to check to make SURE there wasn't anything filed, but it looks good!
But then comes the not so good stuff...
we have a MAJOR blowup with Mama over weekend before this one that just ended. she did not come home till 3:30 am on tues AM when she was supposed to be home at 6 pm on sunday.my agency reported her as a runaway and i grounded her from her family visits this past weekend. she was furiouse and spent the next 24 hours scremaing at me calling me a miriade of nasty names. her caseworker has decided to move her, although they havn't done so yet.
then this week weekend Dancer started her ever other weekend visits with her sister (which is what we all agreed to in our huge meeting last week). the agreement was she would be home at 4pm in order for her to come to the evening service at my church(which she loves).so the first weekend out, all hell breaks loose. she calls me on sat to check in. i ask if she will be home at 4. she says actually she won't because she has something else she wants to do. i tell her that isn't ok and she needs to be home then i get her sister on the phone to tell her the same thing. her sister hangs up on me. later that evening Dancer leaves a voicemail on my phone complaining about my desision. then 4 pm roles around the next day, they arn't here. i call at 4:20 and sister says she won't be bringing her back till maybe 7. i admit it, i was furious. dancer hadn't been home since fri AM before school. this was rediculous. then when she brings her home Dancer is mad at me from stepping out of the car(even though she got exactly what she wanted). i tried to tell sister about Dancer consiquences (which involved her) but she refused to role down her car window and pulled off. the rest of the evening was horrible.
i can't get ahold of ANY case workers or casas. it makes me IRATE. in both situations if CPS gave a damm there wouldn't be a problem. they have no interest in making these insaine family visits work, and wonder why there is problems with them!!

updates

ok with Ruby's case- talked to her adoption worker this morning. she had not heard anything about if they actually filed or not, so still waiting on that one.
with Dancer-
had meeting with problamatic relative, worker and CASA. got some ground rules set up.

with mama and baby- having problems again with her wanting to not have to come home (basically) CPS has no limitations for her and she knows it. still waiting to see if she is coming home today....

blah!

my house is a disaster, as they are tiling downstairs, so we are trapped upstairs or outside. we cant use the kitchen and i am tired of fast food!!!

baptism

yesterday was phenomenal! our church had it's Baptism...in a pool..in the cold and wind and 115 people braved the cold to get baptised- Three of whom I got to Baptise!! Kiryn finally got to take the dunk, then it was Angel , Tristan's bio mom- i tell you what there is a testament to God's faithfulness- pray for your enemies people, they might become your friends and come to the Lord! and finally, Dance decided (last minute) that she wanted to make that commitment to Christ herself!! it was freaking awesome :)

2nd times a charm

i posted this whole post earlier, but it didn't work!

i got a call at 3pm today telling us that a great aunt and uncle of Ruby (sweetpea) have decided to hire a lawyer and intervene in the case to get custody. MY JAW HIT THE FLOOR. there is 9 days left in the mandatory 3 month waiting period following termination. 9 days from now we would have been home free... Ruby's GAL dosn't think they have grounds to intervene (seeing as they have never even MET her)..but we will see. bad part is they are foster parents .. in our city... apparently they are saying they didn't intervene before because they had kids in the home already (dont now?) and they thought she was going to paternal grama. But i don't know how that excuses never trying to meet her. i think they are selfish. i would never rip a baby away from its home at 15 months old. that is disgustingly selfish.
and of course the bomb gets dropped on friday, after our attorney's office closes. i can;t DO anything ..well that's not true, because i am lifting this up to the Lord, and he is mighty to save!!!


i life my eyes unto the hills, but where does my help come from? my help comes from the Lorn, maker of heaven and earth.

crawling out from under my rock!

ughhh. still have a blog stalker, still have major issues with relative of Dancer. we are having a meeting with casa today to hopefully resolve these issues (crossing fingers) i dont want to be a downer going into all these details, but it has been something everyday and at this point i am feeling attacked.
Mama and baby are doing great except for the lack of help from CPS to get her into a GED class or do nothing else for that matter. honestly, with a placement involving a specialized level teen and her 3 month old baby with special needs, we should be OVERWHELMED with people involved in this case. as it stands her worker is NO help and never calls back, neither of us has spoken to her lawyer, and there is no casa assigned!
Ruby is doing great and still not walking more than three steps because she gets so pleased with herself she sits down to clap each time, lol!we are waiting till after may 20th when the case can move from a foster placement to an adoptive placement. then i think i am going to piece her ears :)
Lucca is loving "school" (at home) she is trying to sound out and write words, and she is sometimes very close to right. it's funny how each kiddo is different. Kiryn is FINALLY reading somewhat. he is probably at a 2nd grade level now (he should be ending third grade) but i am still thrilled, because it is major improvement. He is doing most of his school at amys house, because he won't do ANYTHING for me with out major fits..
Tristan is still at Nyos and enjoying it. Sebastian is completely in underwear and usually dry all day, which is GREAT.
we are still trying to get a good bid for our bathroom remodel. I am considering busting out a sledgehammer and attending to the matter myself at this point.lol
and my most grumpy news is Gabe is going out of town from this sat till late on Easter Sunday. so he will miss Kiryns baptism (!) this Sunday and all the festivities for Easter Sunday. and to top off that his work told him yesterday he has to leave town one week after that for another 8-9 days... i think i might lose my mind without him for that long! in our whole marriage we have never been apart even close to that long. :(

arggggghhhhh

if you have somehow managed to find this (aunt who lives in my state, you know who you are ) -here is me waving and telling you to leave.

sigh my friend is drumming up more drama and sent my blog to her aunt (i know from sitemeter someone was searching for specific things in a specific area) to try to drum up more drama. apparently because i mentioned her LAST year without anything super identifying, the sister feels like she should spread it all around.. so i am not sure how effective my PRIVATE blog is? i think she found most of the info RIGHT BEFORE (hours) i set it to private. this is REALLLLLLYYYYYY frustrating. i want her to leave me alone. no good deed goes unpunished, right?
hopefully the casa , new caseworker (old one quitting next week), and GAL can come up with what is best for Dancer. i have my opinion of course, but i know that #1 i may not be right and #2 it may not matter because CPS dosn't always do the right thing - two points no one else in the situation seems to get.

ruby trying to walk and flooring

mama and baby's room


my room


Dancer and Lucca's room
obviously the rooms are not put back together yet, but aren't those floors awesome??