wow this day is quite a day now. never was a blimp in my radar screen before.
i was raised by a single mom. never met my dad till i was 8. we wrote letters back and forth and only met once. i remember paddle boating on town lake...then he dropped out. i remember waiting for him to take me/meet me at some theme park, but he didn't show. i remember my mom telling me he wasn't interested in being a father. i remember hurting deeply over this.. then over the years that hurt got covered up and faded, until it became nothing but a blimp in my radar screen.i didn't need a father, didn't want one..but whatever i told myself does not change the fact that not having a father, being rejected by my father did have a profound impact in my life.i give all the credit to my Father GOD who gave me back the things my natural father never gave me.He gave me a self worth apart from who i am (or am NOT) in a man's eyes. he gave me love and acceptance.but most of all HE CLAIMED ME AS HIS! nothing stands in God's way to his claim on us. we are his , i am his.wether or not my earthly father claimed me when i was child or claims me now matters much much less in the face of such unfailing love.
(i must say for the sake of truth and kindness and forgivness- i have, and continue to forgive my father. He, like us all, is merely a failable human. I certainly will be the first to admit i have done many things to many people that i hope they can forgive me for. And the story i belived as a child was not the whole , complete and truthful story. it was not nearly as simple as my father didn't want me. that would not be true to say. And , last year i did find my father and now am able to slowly reconstruct the whole story (as much as is left to be found).Things are not perfect, but God's hand in on the whole situation , and in it i have found rest. I thank the Lord for giving me that missing piece of my life, my story back to me. I will continue to pray for a full restoration of the relationship-because i KNOW God has a heart for restoration...)
And now in my life fatherhood has taken on another meaning as well. i now have a husband, a father to my children. a kind, loving and involved father. how blessed am i? how blessed are my children?? I hope someday they see how truely they are blessed to have the father they do!
so, these are the thoughts floating in my head, today on the day we celebrate our fathers...
