how the CPMs (lay midwives) made fools of themselves yesterday

first off i am sorry if you are a CPM and not a fool- there are plenty out there. But unfortunately for you you profession is riddled with childish, flaky and down right idiotic behavior.

yesterday was another midwifery review board meeting. For a refresher- the midwifery complaint review board is the only overseeing entity here in Texas for CPMs. CNMs are regulated under the nursing board, which i imagine is nothing like the board to which i am referring.
Months ago i submitted a complaint to the Texas midwifery complaint board- lets call them TMCB for the rest of the post. Since lay midwives don't carry malpractice insurance this was my only recourse against Faith Beltz, the lay midwife who's mistakes allowed the death of my daughter. June 21st my case was heard. i wrote a little about it here. At the time i did not want to elaborate on what happened because i was hoping to be able to argue for them to do more, and frankly, i was in shock due the unprofessional behavior i witnessed.
Last time it took 4 grueling hours of rehashing my story to three midwives, and three other board members. Two of the midwives have sat on another board to which Faith holds three positions.
here are the TMCB members
here are the members for the ATM, association of Texas midwives.
ATM sells the curriculum for CPMs to graduate.
of the three midwives two of them were
Sylyna Kennedy (the chair of the TMCB)
she is an A.T.M. Member: Associate, Lifetime
she used to be on the ATM board
she wrote the curriculum that ATM uses to train new midwives- Faith trained under this curriculum (the worse Faith looks, the worse Sylyna looks, since she wrote the curriculum Faith was trained with)
and
Janet Dirmeyer
she was an ATM board member for about ten years
she is an ATM member associate and and ATM preceptor

So now, tell me how these midwives can judge Faith unbiasedly seeing as Faith hold's three positions on the board they are so tied to?
They can't.
The last meeting had Sylyna winking at, and smiling at Faith. She even went as far as to say very early in the hearing "we all know you are a good midwife Faith". I am sorry, but that was the topic up for review, so NO we did not all know she was a good midwife. And, by the end of the last board meeting it was VERY clear she was not a "good" midwife. She was a midwife who made TONS of mistakes, not just one.
One of the guys on the TMCB hearing my case (i am told he is/was a lawyer) named Andrew MacLaurin told Faith if this had been a court case she would have been "torn up and down"
During the meeting there was about 20 or so midwives and supporters of Faith there. they were eating loudly, talking during the whole thing and one even brought in a toddler who was screeching during the meeting. HOW professional.
The crowd went as far as to BOO when the board gave Faith a 500$ fine for never giving me info about the board and HIPPa info to sign during the pregnancy.
For killing my baby she received probated suspension. She is allowed to practice, but not alone and she has to turn in her records and protocols to the board for review.
Well she chose to not sign the NOV (notice of violation), meaning she wanted to come back and argue her "punishment". Hence the second meeting yesterday.
I was not able to go, due to me being in the hospital here with Willow. But, Gabe, Amy and Bethany went in my place. All three were at the birth.
What happened in the case before mine was a midwife lost her license for not turning in birth certificates. YES, you read that right. a midwife lost her license for not turning in birth certificates, but Faith kept her license even after being responsible for an infant death.
Then came my case. Faith wanted to argue all 4 counts (my friend was sitting behind her when she was saying this). She got up there and started on the first one and the board didn't have any of that. they stuck to their original ruling.
YAY
not good enough, but better than nothing!
Then the case after mine? Another abruption. this time the baby lived but is brain damaged. the midwife only received probated suspension also. And these poor parents have no recourse to pay for the lifetime care of a severely disabled child due to the midwife not carrying malpractice insurance. NICE
So, on to some of the ways midwives make fools of themselves.
One midwife ran out after my friend Amy to tell her to ask "whoever is writing that blog that is bashign midwives and Faith Beltz to just stop" .
my friend said..uhhh , lots of people write blogs and i have no control over what anyone writes! Plus why on earth is she so worried about my little blog?
Another midwife stood up during the proceedings to shout about how Amy was lying about Faith having her stuff packed up when Aquila was born. She said "how come there are pictures of her with a bulb syringe?" (referring to my blog of course)
here, let me answer that for you sweety!
Faith did have all her equipment packed in the trunk. When Aquila was born Faith had nothing but her mouth to suck the blood from aquilas mouth/nose. She then tossed her keys to my photographer and told her to get the blue bag from her trunk. Then Katie Jo (photographer) brought the bag, Faith started using the syringe, then the Dilee. Only after giving her the bag was KJ able to snap the one picture i have of aquila from the birth (the bulb syringe one)



and finally an open letter to Faith Beltz C.P.M. -

Seriously Faith, seriously? You wanted to argue all these counts? You seriously think you deserve nothing for what you did? And on top of everything to LIE repeatedly , saying i refused a transfer? You are completely full of it. you should be ashamed to be adding insult to injury. Don't tell me you "think about Aquila every day" . I live an aching, bleeding memory to my daughter every day. If you had made different choices, she would be snuggled at my breast right now, but instead she buried in the ground. How can you live with yourself and argue the slap on the hand you received? it is truly deplorable.

the birth of Willow Grace

As i previously posted, i was hospitalized Labor day weekend with a fever of unknown origin.My OB did a whole slew of tests, but nothing came up and i started getting better so i was allowed to go home. Ruled -unknown virus... Then all week after coming home i continued to feel completely run down and on Mon the 13th i spiked a fever again. I called my OB the next morning when the fever hadn't gone and she got me right in for an appointment. After looking me over she determined best course of action was to admit me to the hospital again so they could do even more tests.
I went strait over and got tested in a bazillion ways. Finally at about 7pm my perinatologist came in and did a scan and talked to me about doing an amniocentesis. she was worried about a occult Chorio infection. OUCH - amnios hurt!!!!
The results from the amnio did not come back till about 10 am the next morning. By this time i had had several more test run , including an MRI. My doctor came and talked to me and said the amnio was showing signs of an infection in between the wall of the uterus and the amniotic sac. it was only a matter of time before bacteria invaded the sac and the only cure for Chorio is delivery, so we started Pictocin at about 11 am.
I was feeling totally emotionally raw and still physically sick, so i made a plan to get an epidural when my labor was strong- especially because i could not move well since i had an IV on a pump, a blood pressure cuff, a pulse ox, and the contraction and heart rate monitors.
Willow was very hard to keep on the monitor and the toko (contraction monitor ) was almost never reading my contraction. This made it impossible to even bounce on the birth ball, so i labored for the 13 hours in the bed on my back.
When my water broke there was lots of blood, which had everyone worried- but my Doctor's partner (by then my doc was off shift ) said we could wait it out since Willows heart rate had continued to be perfect in every way. She offered that if i wanted a Csection she would give me one, but she did not mind waiting. She did recommend me getting an epidural in case there was any problem so we could cut quickly. That was fine with me , since i already wanted one!
the anesthesiologist came in and gave me the epidural - again with the OUCH - those things HURT to get! Well, it worked for about an hour and a half. then half my uterus was feeling the contractions perfectly. He came in the readjust, but that didn't fix it. The only thing else he could do was re-do it and i was not up for that because it hurt the first time and contractions were so often i did not think i could hold still. Within several contractions the epidural was completely gone and i was having to moan quite loudly. This was about 11 pm.
About 11:30-11:40 ish the nurse checked me and said she thought i was an 8. So i said that we should head over to the OR - we were delivering in the OR because it has the stabilization room for the preemies connected to it. She argued with me that it would take a while to get to complete.blah blah blah. i told her is i were to get off my bed and walk to the bathroom i could squat and deliver the baby. So, we went to the OR ! LOL .

my good friend Emily

We got in there and the Doc wanted to check me. She said , "oh no, she's only 5-6!" and left the room. I said "hell no this baby is coming out. I had three contractions in a row with no stop .At the end the nurse said to stop bearing down or i was going to swell my cervix. I said "it's funny, they always say that, and i still always do it and it never does". Then i grabbed the rail of the bed on my right side and pulled my self onto my side and up higher on the bed and with the next contraction she was coming down. I said "she's coming out now" The nurse said that she couldn't be and she wanted to check me. I said "no. i am pooping. her head is coming out now."She stuck her hand inside me as the head was coming down and said " stop pushing!" i screamed "get your hand out of my vagina!" and pushed her out-onto the still-not-broken-down-bed. Everyone was fumbling around like chickens with there heads cut off (NICU staff ect). The nurse only had one glove on, so she didn't want to pick Willow up, so my friend (who happens to be an LnD nurse in another city) Hand her to me. Willow was screaming bloody murder and pink and beautiful. Everyone must have been completely floored because they tried cutting the cord and sprayed blood all over my fave, hair and gown. Then the doctor walked in.


apparently , when a multipara says her baby is coming out , her baby is coming out, cause the Doctor had only left the OR about 3, or 4 minutes before!
And i have still not had a doctor deliver a baby, LOL, even though i wanted one to! And even though i wanted to have a nice pain-free delivery- i had another natural birth- and frankly was pretty pissed about it during the labor!

I was laughing within minutes of the birth because of how funny it was was :)

Willow Grace Paparella

Baby Willow Grace came into this world, pink and screaming just before midnight last night, Sept 15th (exactly 2 months early/31 weeks). She is in the NICU but doing great so far. please pray for her heath, breathing and a speedy recovery!

stopping time

i just spent 5 days being very sick, three of them in the antepartum unit at the hospital. Suffice it to say that i was medical mystery for my stay and they never did figure out what exactly made me sick in the first place. But i am on the mend, with orders to stay in resting mode.
The thing is I never do resting mode very well. I am perpetually in motion. Always taking on more and , for the most part, thriving on that. Losing Aquila gave me even more incentive to keep going, to move, to stay focused on anything that would keep my mind off her. Because, being pregnant again brings so many trip wires that flood me with regret and sorrow and anger and burning grief.
Laying there, in my hospital bed, contracting, i had the clearest realization. I heard baby girls heartbeat thumping away and i thought, "i could really lose her too".
And that was huge.
`Yes, all of us babyloss moms know we can lose another baby, and that thought is terrifying. But, i think for me, that thought was not real as in a possible future. it was tangled up in my thoughts and feelings with Aquila that this baby, baby Willow, was not really a part of that potential story. She wasn't fully separate in my mind i guess.
But all that fever-pain-delirium time in the hospital my mind was focused on Willow. On the way she kicks, on her heartbeating, on trying to make her watery home a safe one again.
I think God needed to show me something here. I do a lot of "good" things. Things God has called me to do. But just because he has called me to do these things, does not mean i must do them everyday until i wear out every part of my life and health.
Right before being admitted to the hospital i was contemplating whether or not to keep our license updated for fostering. This would involve many training hours, as we are behind. It would also at some point involve actually getting a kid, perhaps before this one is born.
Reading this you are going- was/is Liz crazy?!
The answer is YES apparently. But i have had a big stop sign put in front of me, so now i get it. Even though fostering was doing something for me since Aquila's death (giving something else to focus on), it was not nessarily God's plan for me right now. God lets us do what we want , and he works everything together for good- but now its time to listen to what he does want for me. I am hearing " slow down. prepare you heart for this baby. grieve Aquila "

and so that, my friends, is what i am going to do.