How to tell if your boyfriend is losing interest
3 years ago
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
About Me
- Liz
- austin, tx
- they call me: mama, birth-mom,step-mom, foster-mom, adoptive-mom and now babyloss-mom
Our family
Aquila - born still on Dec 19th 2009
Aquila Jade Paparella
Willow ~ 1 year of rainbows
Ruby - 3
Sebastian 5
Lucca 7
Tristan 10
Kiryn 11
have tissues handy- baby-loss blogs
-
-
In the Eyes of a Sibling7 years ago
-
Shed Love7 years ago
-
Strength and my "Why"8 years ago
-
Long overdue9 years ago
-
-
Return to Zero10 years ago
-
October 201311 years ago
-
Five years11 years ago
-
It's been a while11 years ago
-
Hae May!11 years ago
-
Like the beginning.11 years ago
-
6 Around The Sun11 years ago
-
-
Four years on: A ritual complete.12 years ago
-
-
Sometimes there just aren't words12 years ago
-
Bear's Heart, Claire13 years ago
-
-
-
-
Orphan No More 2012 Reece's Rainbow Calendar
CLICK HERE to get this free calendar to print or to post on your blog!
blogs i love
-
An Update: April 20195 years ago
-
Bunny Update6 years ago
-
MANAstats, WUT?10 years ago
-
...In which we say goodbye to Mary Grace11 years ago
-
Museums, museums, museums...11 years ago
-
Lil Dude11 years ago
-
-
The fog has lifted.12 years ago
-
Glass Stair Balustrade12 years ago
-
-
Around San Jose13 years ago
-
Sliding & standing!13 years ago
-
-
COUNTER
20 comments:
Why are you on such a tear to slam Midwifes and Homebirth? I am sorry you lost your baby... but most birth is normal. Most birth should be at home.
Did you ever ask your Doctor how many babies or women he has lost because of dangerous interventions or unnecessary C-sections?
The Midwife you are slamming was at my birth and was amazing.
Again, I am very sorry you lost your precious baby. That is a pain no mother should endure... But perhaps in that pain do you think you may be damaging someone else's life?
you are sorry---with a BUT behind it? i am not slamming anyone. i am telling my story. you are not sorry i lost my baby, your are sorry that Faith is being called out for her actions....
@Christina -- The midwife about whom Liz is revealing the truth not only missed the obvious signs of an infection, but also the classic signs of a rupture. Anyone who has even minimal training in birth should have caught that. She's a menace. It's great that your birth was amazing, but you were lucky. Sure, many women are able to give birth safely at home, but it's luck. Luck. LUCK. Health statistics and study after study (even the ones that purport to say the opposite!) show that homebirth in the United States is 3x more deadly for babies than birth in a hospital. And it's because of incompetent, under-trained midwives who pass their "knowledge" on to each other.
"do you think you may be damaging someone else's life?"
Um, no. This midwife's actions/lack of action speaks for itself.
The damage here is a loss of an innocent life and everlasting and eternal grief for Liz and her family.
Aquila's death was 100% preventable. Liz knows this and has every right to tell her story in an effort to prevent this type of tragedy in the future.
It is in a emergency such as Aquila's birth where true competence is revealed, and Faith failed the test. Competence was displayed by her OB and the hospital staff at her latest delivery, and little Willow is living proof of that.
"Did you ever ask your Doctor how many babies or women he has lost because of dangerous interventions or unnecessary C-sections?"
You can ask, but the answer is zero. Lives are saved by cesarean section and other interventions. The danger lies in birth itself and the complications that can develop, not the interventions. Having attended over 1,000 hospital births as an RN, not once has a mother died under my care. There was one term(ish) intrapartum loss. (Late pre-term, very high risk, twins, severe pre-eclampsia, DIC). The safety demonstrated by this track record has nothing to do with the "normalcy" of birth, it has to do with having the resources and competent staff available to intervene when complications arise.
It is in poor taste that you would insinuate that Liz is out of line by telling her story. Count your blessings every day. You are very fortunate that you had an uneventful birth.
Christina, what the hell are you thinking!? A baby's death is a pain no mother should have to endure, BUT it's OK that FAITH BELTZ was so blindly uneducated that she didn't notice signs of obvious chorio and abruption that even lay people can pick up on?!
Sitting on your hands isn't a virtue that makes someone amazing. It's not laudable. It's at best innocuous and at worst causes tragedies like the death of Liz's beautiful daughter.
Stop projecting your need to believe that tragedy can't hit you onto Liz's story. Her life and her loss aren't about you, but she has the courage and strength of character to call this utter bullshit for what it is.
Liz, stay strong, and know that you are loved. We stand with you.
Christina Pond-- are you for real? The rate of death from homebirth is THREE TIMES that of hospital birth. A c-section would have saved Aquila's life, and you're going to blather on about "dangerous interventions"?
Do you REALLY think this is an appropriate place to spread your incorrect information ("Most birth should be at home")? Liz's story shows that however "normal" you think birth is, there are complications that CANNOT be handled at home with someone who doesn't have the training to deal with birth complications.
You are very lucky that your homebirth with an incompetent midwife turned out well. Next time you might not be so lucky.
Again, Liz-- you are an incredibly strong woman to share your story, helping women change their minds from homebirth and possibly save their babies. Especially when you have to put up with such hideous people posting nonsense.
Christina Pond, I hope you never have to endure the pain Liz has. Because then you will also realize how insensitive and uncaring and idiotic you sound today.
Faith Beltz killed that baby, as sure as I am standing here. Anyone who knows ANYTHING about birth or babies knows that a mom who has a fever, is bleeding heavily, and whose baby's heart rate is diving down with each contraction needs to be taken to the hospital. Aquila would have LIVED but Faith was too uneducated to see that. Who's going to call her to account? One grieving mother.
I only hope you never have Faith Beltz looking after you or anyone you care about in an emergency. No baby should die because some midwife is too egotistical to dial 911.
Your right Christina, most birth is normal. But sometimes, well sometimes it is not. The true test of a birth professionals competence is not when everything goes right, it is when something does go wrong.
I will be honest, the attendants at my first 5 births were completely unnecessary. My 6 birth? I hemorrhaged and was very grateful to be in a position were I could receive immediate care.
Do I believe that there are far to many unnecessary interventions and a very strong "push the pain meds" mentality in the OB/GYN world? Yes. But am I a proponent for homebirth. No, not anymore. It took a complicated birth and a dear friends very painful story for me to come to that conclusion.
I think Liz is providing an important service to the natural birth community. She is shining a light on a subject that sadly many are trying very hard to keep in the dark. The fact that sometimes things do go wrong during a birth/pregnancy and what’s more sometimes things go so very wrong that you will NOT have enough time to get help, no matter how close to the hospital you are. As long as the mother is aware of these facts then fine. We should encourage a spirit of full disclosure, even if we are uncomfortable with all the facts, and then allow the family involved do what they will.
Do bad things and poor choices happen in a hospital. Yes. That is why we have ways to have those choices reported and made public so that others can know about it and make a choice based off that information. Why shouldn't’t home birth professionals be subjected to the same level of scrutiny and reporting?
Christina, imagine for a moment that a drunk driver struck and killed one of your children. Now imagine he was given his license back and allowed to continue drinking and driving, under the logic that "accidents happen" and just because he killed someone ONCE with his lack of judgement, it doesn't mean he'll kill anyone else.
Would you be satisfied with that?
How is Liz damaging Faith Beltz's life? Liz had to bury a beloved, wanted daughter because of Faith's decisions. Faith, on the other hand, is still delivering babies. I think perhaps you have that backwards.
Christina, are you *seriously* arguing that Liz should be a good girl and keep quiet so that she doesn't cause other women to reconsider homebirth? Because...wow. Are you really trying to claim that being dissuaded from homebirth is "damaging" in the way that LOSING A CHILD is??
You're ignorant, and you have no clue what you're talking about.
Ms. Pond,
If you truly care about midwives and home birth (or, more importantly, mothers and babies), you would do well to support efforts to ensure home birth midwives are appropriately trained and that there are adequate mechanisms to ensure unfit midwives are not permitted to practice.
Liz's story highlights one of the biggest problems in home birth in this country: lack of accountability.
Christina-
Hmm, if you even have to ask your first question, you either haven't actually read Liz's story, or you are just plain cruel.
Birth is normal until it isn't. Unless there are clear issues ahead of time (which many HB advocates ignore or don't believe in any way), there is no way to know until something bad happens. Then, you're often out of luck if you are at home.
As a mom to a baby born by a very necessary c-section, I think you need to stop commenting on things you know so little about.
"... but most birth is normal."
All birth is normal. It is normal, without modern medicine, that women have a 1 in 8 chance of dying in childbirth. It is normal for 25% of children to not survive infancy.
Count me in as preferring abnormality.
"The Midwife you are slamming was at my birth and was amazing."
Congratulations - your baby survived!
"But perhaps in that pain do you think you may be damaging someone else's life?"
I'm sorry if Liz's story upset you. If you think talking about how a midwife screwed up and allowed a baby to die is SO damaging to other's lives that people should NEVER TALK ABOUT IT, you are a heartless b*tch who holds her philosophy above the lives of children.
What a sad, broken human being you are. I feel for your friends and family.
Christina-
There is nothing more to your birth experience with this midwife than pure luck. You are lucky that nothing went wrong and you are lucky that there were no complications. It is obvious that this midwife places homebirth above outcome and disregards serious complications such as chorio and abruption. You should be appalled by this story instead of insensitive and accusing. You should see that you dodged a bullet with your own birth instead of backing your midwife.
In a hospital setting, this story most likely would have turned out different. The difference is that doctors and nurses care about the OUTCOME. We value human life and we know how serious complications can become. We are educated and care enough to act on them. Yeah, maybe in a hospital this would have ended up in a c-section (ohmygod how horrible!) C-SECTIONS SAVE LIVES!!! So no, Most births should not be at home. None of them should.
What kind of persons slams a person recovering from a loss? Do you really think that uttering a half-assed "I'm sorry" makes what you say any more credible? Shame on you for lacking empathy. Shame on you for ignoring the facts. And shame on you for your cruelty.
I hope the rest of you children don't suffer or lose their lives over your lack of judgment.
Ms. Pond,
How nice for you that you delivered with Ms. Beltz and ended up with a healthy, live baby. Liz did not, and it's not because her birth wasn't "normal." Complications of "normal" birth regularly killed women and babies before the advent of modern obstetrics (and still do in the developing world, btw).
Perhaps by discounting Liz's story, you somehow feel that you are insulating yourself from the ugly but very real side of homebirth. Forgive me if I don't believe that your sorrow for Liz is particularly sincere. You should be ashamed for posting such tripe on her page.
Christina Pond, the many posters here have already eloquently posted my feelings about your attack on Liz.
You are woefully misguided and uneducated about birth, and your callousness in telling Liz to, in essence, shut up because she may be hurting Faith Beltz, is breathtaking...
Faith Beltz killed Liz's baby through her gross incompetence and arrogance and you dare, DARE, to tell Liz to shut up?! If Faith Beltz had any contrition for killing Liz's baby, she would have stopped practicing, realizing that she does not have the skills and knowledge to adequately care for women during birth. But she keeps practicing, gambling that complications are rare, and that in any case, she will never be held to account for a death or injury.
No lawyer will take the case, not because they cannot prove incompetence, but merely because there are no assets to go after. Do you honestly feel safe in this kind of a homebirth system, where no one is ever held to account?
Doctors and nurses and hospitals, in contrast, ARE held to account. There are hospital review boards, lawyers *will* take cases because there is insurance to go after, and there are medical licenses that can be stripped away.
I dare you Christina to find even a single case of an OB who has lost so much as one mother or baby directly attributable to what you term "dangerous interventions or unnecessary c-sections". Because Christina, reputable studies show that babies do better as a result of c-sections, and mothers tend to die of underlying health conditions, not "dangerous interventions" (care to define what you mean there, btw?) or "unecessary-c-sections". Babies, like Aquila, tend to die of interventions and c-sections *not* done.
C'mon Christina -- put up, or admit that you do not know what you are talking about.
You should feel ashamed of your post here Christina; very, very ashamed.
Christina, You truly are a fool. Interventions and c-sections save lives every single day. Had Liz had her daughter in a hospital, she would be here. Do you know how fucking life altering that is?? I do. Hi, I'm also a homebirth loss mom. Care to tell me how safe homebirth is?? Please pull your head out of your ass. You got really lucky, that's it. I had a homebirth that went perfect and never had any reason to believe it wouldn't go perfect again. Until my midwife fucked up and my daughter died. The bitch in my situation is still practicing as well. I hope to hell that we are damaging their lives. Midwives who kill babies deserve to have damaged lives. What kind of damaged lives do you think we are living?? Or are we just slamming wonderful women for no good reason?? Again, you're a fucking fool. When you are holding your dead baby, please remember how safe homebirth is and what a wonderful woman your midwife is!
Sometimes people say something so stupid all you can say is "Fail."
Good job Christina.
Thank you for sharing your story Liz. I had a homebirth a few months ago. I believed that I was doing the best thing for my baby.
When I gave birth to my daughter she was very very sick and my midwife turned out to be incompetent and did not recognize the severity of the situation. If it was not for my husband who insisted on transferring our baby to a hospital, 24 days in the NICU, a huge team of doctors, the most sophisticated medical machines, and love and prayers we would be grieving now instead of holding or baby. We are so fortunate that she survived for it could have easily turned out differently.
I was hidden from the true risks of homebirth. In that community there is such a stigma against saying anything negative about natural birth. Their needs to be stricter regulations and checking on midwives.
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. Even though I can only relate to a small part of your story, it hits me hard and brings tears every time I read it and I think of my daughter. No mother should have to go through what you went through. I am so glad that you have a new baby now and hopefully that will help you to heal.
I feel sad to see how much stigma there is about shedding light on shortcomings in midwifery. I can see why the defensiveness rises up, I can even see it clamoring up within me. But it's misplaced, I think, to defend home birth and midwifery in a general way to a mother who lost her baby in a way that would have been preventible with a more vigilant provider. And I think that as much as it stings to see the criticism of what many of us think of as a fledgling and persecuted profession, we have to be willing to face and address the shortcomings. And part of those seems to be that within this current system, there are truly inept midwives practicing out there and there is no safety net of a broader structure around them as there would be in the case of an inept hospital provider.
I think there are inept providers in every arena, but I think your criticism that the lack of infrastructure and accountability in midwifery leaves that a particularly damaging vulnerability is sound. It's a piece of the puzzle I'm glad to have.
There are also those midwives who welcome ruthless looks at what's true over comforting glazed-over ideals and attacks on the tellers of hard stories. It's not all denial, but I recognize that there's an awfully overwhelming culture of angry refusal to really look.
Post a Comment