we get a few comments anytime we step out of our house. one of course is "my, you have your hands full!"
yes, yes we do.
another is "how many kids do you have now?"
the answer on good days is "8 in the house" which i say to circumvent the whole "i have a dead child" talk...which i rarely have the time or emotional energy to get into. The answer on bad days is "umm..i don't know?"
but my least favorite comment is "oh, I thought about fostering, but I just couldn't do it. I just couldn't let them go."
i never know what to say to this one. I cannot figure out if these people are insulting me , or themselves more. See i take it as they are in a way saying i must be quite cold-hearted to be able to 'let them go'. like i do not get attached or anything. Or else, they might be saying they are too selfish to consider the needs of child that is not their own over their own emotional needs.
well for each train of thought i have a response-
i am not cold hearted. i bond with and get very attached to every child we have, even the teenagers who mouth off and then steal from my wallet..of the baby who won't.stop.crying.... or the toddler who hits me strait in the face. They don't have to be "mine" for me to love them like they are mine.
i see it like this--- imagine you have a sister. she gets very sick and can no longer care for her children. they are your nieces and nephews. you take them into your home. would you treat them differently than your children? would you hold back your love from them? would you not fully support them returning to their mother when she is able to care for them?
I don't see my foster children as "my' children, but they are children i love. i claim them.
and about the other side of it. i have a dear friend Toni who says "fear of heartbreak is the stupidest reason ever not to love a child" Amen Toni.
Fear of heartbreak is the stupidest reason not to love anyone. we were made to love.
5 comments:
This is a great answer to those comments, Liz! I have been considering fostering, and my mom (who adopted me) said the SAME THING to me. All I can think of is WHAT IF those were MY KIDS? Wouldn't I want them in a loving home? Doesn't every kid deserve love for its own sake?
THANKS for e post! I would love to hear more about this.
I think you are doing God's work. I think what you do is admirable. We are all called on this earth do do God's work although it takes on different forms for different people.
Yes, fear of heartbreak is a ridiculous reason to not love anyone!
I think people what people mean is more along the lines of "You're stronger than I am."
My husband and I have talked about fostering before, and are still considering it one day (when our biological kids are a little older), but it's a scary proposition. I worry if I will ever be able to let go once the kids are gone. How will I function, not knowing if they're safe? If they're loved? If they're even fed?
As a person who already tends to be very emotional and anxious, I do worry about how well I would cope with those thoughts and feelings.
absolutely well put - i esp hate when they mention it the seperation as an excuse... we have just begun our first journey and have had our foster son for just over a week. when people mention they can't b/c of the fear of seperation - it reminds me of him leaving. i'm cool w/ the reunification - just don't want to focus on it 100% of the time - love your analogy of niece/nephew - have been using it in my own head and never heard of someone else using that thought process!
I am so glad they have all found you. If I was a kid who needed a home I would hope the universe would be kind enough to plunk me down in your home.
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