Happy birthday my sweet, sweet boy!!! you are a joy to me and a blessing from God !
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Sebastian turns 3!!
Happy birthday my sweet, sweet boy!!! you are a joy to me and a blessing from God !
Monday, October 12, 2009
the rollercoaster
so after everything, court was a complete suprise- and not in a happy birthday! kind of way...
they have decided (not the judge mind you-they had the hearign reset) to move foster daughter to her daughter's foster home...
the problems with this are very real...
-this is a single, working foster mom to only A's daughter. she has never had teens, and she works all day long. foster daughter will be at home alone all day long (since she does homebound) with no rides to her appointments (therapy, OB), her classes (twice a week parenting), and ~~here's the kicker~~ her daughter has to remain in daycare all day long, and A will not be allowed to take her anywhere ever, so she can't even come over here and visit if she wants to be with her daughter. Plus there is the fact this woman (sweet as she may be) has been raising this little girl since March, so not only will it be VERY akward for A to "parent" her daughter ..but this is one report away from A losing everything. If A makes one misstep- coming in late, not doing chores on time, ect- all the foster mom needs to do is tell the case worker and A is outta there, without another shot. And you better believe that foster mom will be on alert to anything- even if she thinks she wants to support reunification. she is biased. she wanted to adopt this little girl she has been the sole care provider of for almost 7 months. this is just human nature here..
the whole situation smells to high heaven like a FAIL set up for A. She is heartbroken and freaking out- because not to mention all the other stuff- but A does not do well with change. she is finally comfortable and settled. we have worked out our kinks and this feels like a home to her... now that is being taken away, just like it always is. she wants family, one to be in and the one she is creating with her children. she dosnt want to be yanked back and forth like a rag doll.
OH YEAH! almost forgot- the true kicker to this move! the foster mom has said REPEATEDLY she CAN NOT keep A once she has the baby. so it another GUARUNTEED move for A and children in Jan, strait from the hospital after giivng birth..you heard me right, THIS is CPS's BRILLIANT plan.....
PLEASE PLEASE keep praying- i know God can right this wrong, i know he can and does make good situations out of bad. We need some more divine intervention!
they have decided (not the judge mind you-they had the hearign reset) to move foster daughter to her daughter's foster home...
the problems with this are very real...
-this is a single, working foster mom to only A's daughter. she has never had teens, and she works all day long. foster daughter will be at home alone all day long (since she does homebound) with no rides to her appointments (therapy, OB), her classes (twice a week parenting), and ~~here's the kicker~~ her daughter has to remain in daycare all day long, and A will not be allowed to take her anywhere ever, so she can't even come over here and visit if she wants to be with her daughter. Plus there is the fact this woman (sweet as she may be) has been raising this little girl since March, so not only will it be VERY akward for A to "parent" her daughter ..but this is one report away from A losing everything. If A makes one misstep- coming in late, not doing chores on time, ect- all the foster mom needs to do is tell the case worker and A is outta there, without another shot. And you better believe that foster mom will be on alert to anything- even if she thinks she wants to support reunification. she is biased. she wanted to adopt this little girl she has been the sole care provider of for almost 7 months. this is just human nature here..
the whole situation smells to high heaven like a FAIL set up for A. She is heartbroken and freaking out- because not to mention all the other stuff- but A does not do well with change. she is finally comfortable and settled. we have worked out our kinks and this feels like a home to her... now that is being taken away, just like it always is. she wants family, one to be in and the one she is creating with her children. she dosnt want to be yanked back and forth like a rag doll.
OH YEAH! almost forgot- the true kicker to this move! the foster mom has said REPEATEDLY she CAN NOT keep A once she has the baby. so it another GUARUNTEED move for A and children in Jan, strait from the hospital after giivng birth..you heard me right, THIS is CPS's BRILLIANT plan.....
PLEASE PLEASE keep praying- i know God can right this wrong, i know he can and does make good situations out of bad. We need some more divine intervention!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
he has provided
God is so faithful!
He has provided a way to over and abundantly provide the funds for a nanny! And , he did it in perfect time. now, i can go into court on Friday saying we have a plan, and A (foster daughter) doesn't need to be moved anywhere!!
Maybe, with this new info they will be more keen on returning her daughter to her, as this gives her a solid and stable place to raise her.
I am so excited and revived to get such a strong YES answer from God on the direction we should be headed. i can't say it enough- he is so very faithful!!!
Friday, October 2, 2009
prayers
So we are in a bit of a pickle... CPS has decided that they want to move foster daughter to another foster home ASAP because they don't think i can handle it after my baby comes. (they are probably right about that!) But my husband came up with a solution- hiring a full time nanny (at least for dec and jan ((i am due dec 15th, she is due jan 1st))). now, the problem with this is well...money. Gabe makes good money, but we don't have anything close to the cushion for hiring someone 40 hours a week at $10 an hour.. So, i have been praying like crazy that God would provide a way. Foster daughter doesn't want to move and i don't want her to move . So, if it is God's will for her to stay here, money should be a minor thing, right? After all, God owns it all! Still, i am so human and prone to worry. We have court next friday and we really need the money by then , so we can provide the alternative to the judge so she will ask her NOt to be moved. All the verses i keep coming across in my daily bible reading center around being still and letting God fight for you---so i need to remind myself about this!
So, please pray for us!
So, please pray for us!
Thursday, September 17, 2009
some good news for a change
ok so good news all from this week~~
1. we FINALLY got the insurance to approve my midwife as an in network provider, meaning they will cover 100% !!!
2. I found my birth (sebastian's) video! apparently after ex-foster daughter stole my video camera she took out the tape and threw it in a box !!
3. my bathroom remodel is DONE!!!! now i just need to have the insurance come out and check everything and we should get the rest of our money!
4. current foster daughter got approved for homebound- meaning i no longer have to drive 2 hours a day to get her to and from school!
YAY
other things are still stressful, but i am feeling very blessed by God today!!
1. we FINALLY got the insurance to approve my midwife as an in network provider, meaning they will cover 100% !!!
2. I found my birth (sebastian's) video! apparently after ex-foster daughter stole my video camera she took out the tape and threw it in a box !!
3. my bathroom remodel is DONE!!!! now i just need to have the insurance come out and check everything and we should get the rest of our money!
4. current foster daughter got approved for homebound- meaning i no longer have to drive 2 hours a day to get her to and from school!
YAY
other things are still stressful, but i am feeling very blessed by God today!!
Saturday, August 22, 2009
sinking
ok guys -
i am stressed..not stressed but STRESSED. i need to explain and have wanted to type about it all for awhile, but RUBY ripped all the keys off my keyboard and it just got fixed....
anyhow- let me start off by saying I adore my foster daughter- she is a sweetheart. so it's not that---
background- she has a 2 year old that CPS has taken from her- for NOT substantial reasons in my most humble opinion... so when taking on this placement, i was also taking on a BIG fight with CPS...and of course i am very pregnant and tired ect...
we have been running around like mad doing everything under the sun to fill her requirements as a foster child, her case plan as a birth parent, and a million and one extra tasks just to REALLY "prove" that this mom can care for this child...
literally guys i run her 1-4 places a day..often dragging along my 9, 8, 5, 2, and 1 year old.
i have bad bad back and pelvic pain right now (thank you fourth pregnancy) and need to go to a chiropractor, but have not had the time to make or go to any appointment for myself because my life revolves around appointments for everyone but myself.
so with all that in mind- before court a few weeks ago the baby's worker came over for a pre-court visit. i cleaned like crazy...everything but my room...where my foster kittens are - they had dragged laundry and papers everywhere and frankly trashed it. but that is my one place i dont worry about. it is MY space. no kids sleep in there and my foster kiddo doesn't ever even go in there. but- the worker apparently checked the room without asking or telling me-
then after leaving, she contacted my worker and told them she had concerns about the cleanliness of my house..oh, and the heat upstairs..it has of course been over 100 almost every day here and my air runs constantly, but at 3 pm in the afternoon upstairs is still probably about 78-80. apparently i am not providing adequate temperatures for my fosters-
sigh and my worker (well now ex-worker) and i don't exactly...hmmm how to put this?...get along? see eye to eye? think the same way??
she told me this stuff in a way that FREAKED ME OUT..very cryptic..no specific things i could do- it took weeks to get all the details...
when she left i cried...actually sobbed for THREE hours..i wish i was exagerating ! all while furiously cleaning . i freaked out so hard i gave myself contractions.
actually even typing about it makes me tear up again.
why you ask? well i am stressed.. i am doing everything i possibly can do , trying my hardest to do everything for everyone- but then i was told i was failing based on the one thing i let go.
the things i need to do, my to-do-list, expands daily just when my beloved mother's helper of two years has to quit because she will be having her own baby any day...
trying to find someone to replace her is like pulling teeth...
my husband is trying to help me, but honestly can't do much to lift the load off me and that makes me mad at him.
maybe right now some of you are reading this saying "Well i would just stop all this fostering nonsense.."
but if you said that in your head just now- then you don't understand.
this girl needs me. i am literally the only one capable of getting her back her daughter and stopping the CPS train that is running over her. if i gave up i KNOW almost 100% she would lose her baby.
plus she says we feel like family- and i feel the same way about her . i don't know when or how it happened, but somewhere in this she has seemed like one of my own -much more so than any of my other fosters. i want to protect her. i want to fight for her. she needs someone to do that.
so i keep trucking on.
but guys..i am so stressed. i don't know what to do to ease it.....
i am stressed..not stressed but STRESSED. i need to explain and have wanted to type about it all for awhile, but RUBY ripped all the keys off my keyboard and it just got fixed....
anyhow- let me start off by saying I adore my foster daughter- she is a sweetheart. so it's not that---
background- she has a 2 year old that CPS has taken from her- for NOT substantial reasons in my most humble opinion... so when taking on this placement, i was also taking on a BIG fight with CPS...and of course i am very pregnant and tired ect...
we have been running around like mad doing everything under the sun to fill her requirements as a foster child, her case plan as a birth parent, and a million and one extra tasks just to REALLY "prove" that this mom can care for this child...
literally guys i run her 1-4 places a day..often dragging along my 9, 8, 5, 2, and 1 year old.
i have bad bad back and pelvic pain right now (thank you fourth pregnancy) and need to go to a chiropractor, but have not had the time to make or go to any appointment for myself because my life revolves around appointments for everyone but myself.
so with all that in mind- before court a few weeks ago the baby's worker came over for a pre-court visit. i cleaned like crazy...everything but my room...where my foster kittens are - they had dragged laundry and papers everywhere and frankly trashed it. but that is my one place i dont worry about. it is MY space. no kids sleep in there and my foster kiddo doesn't ever even go in there. but- the worker apparently checked the room without asking or telling me-
then after leaving, she contacted my worker and told them she had concerns about the cleanliness of my house..oh, and the heat upstairs..it has of course been over 100 almost every day here and my air runs constantly, but at 3 pm in the afternoon upstairs is still probably about 78-80. apparently i am not providing adequate temperatures for my fosters-
sigh and my worker (well now ex-worker) and i don't exactly...hmmm how to put this?...get along? see eye to eye? think the same way??
she told me this stuff in a way that FREAKED ME OUT..very cryptic..no specific things i could do- it took weeks to get all the details...
when she left i cried...actually sobbed for THREE hours..i wish i was exagerating ! all while furiously cleaning . i freaked out so hard i gave myself contractions.
actually even typing about it makes me tear up again.
why you ask? well i am stressed.. i am doing everything i possibly can do , trying my hardest to do everything for everyone- but then i was told i was failing based on the one thing i let go.
the things i need to do, my to-do-list, expands daily just when my beloved mother's helper of two years has to quit because she will be having her own baby any day...
trying to find someone to replace her is like pulling teeth...
my husband is trying to help me, but honestly can't do much to lift the load off me and that makes me mad at him.
maybe right now some of you are reading this saying "Well i would just stop all this fostering nonsense.."
but if you said that in your head just now- then you don't understand.
this girl needs me. i am literally the only one capable of getting her back her daughter and stopping the CPS train that is running over her. if i gave up i KNOW almost 100% she would lose her baby.
plus she says we feel like family- and i feel the same way about her . i don't know when or how it happened, but somewhere in this she has seemed like one of my own -much more so than any of my other fosters. i want to protect her. i want to fight for her. she needs someone to do that.
so i keep trucking on.
but guys..i am so stressed. i don't know what to do to ease it.....
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
breastmilk butter
this post
Suprisingly,i get my most Google traffic from the search words "breastmilk butter". I tried this experiment awhile back and now i want to add my ideas for helping those desperate to make their own milk into butter for sore butts or maybe for a fattening-up-a-tiny-toddler spread...
-use lots more milk than i did ,like 8+ ozs
-use your highest fat milk. if you have pumped alot you know some milk is creamier than other batches. this is from the hindmilk and this is what you want.
-blend for longer. it will change to a thick cream,then it will really thicken up to butter.
good luck!
Suprisingly,i get my most Google traffic from the search words "breastmilk butter". I tried this experiment awhile back and now i want to add my ideas for helping those desperate to make their own milk into butter for sore butts or maybe for a fattening-up-a-tiny-toddler spread...
-use lots more milk than i did ,like 8+ ozs
-use your highest fat milk. if you have pumped alot you know some milk is creamier than other batches. this is from the hindmilk and this is what you want.
-blend for longer. it will change to a thick cream,then it will really thicken up to butter.
good luck!
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