bio visit

so sweetpea saw her "dad" for the first time in 2 months today, along with paternal and maternal gramas. she spent the entire hour screaming her head off. i the way those visits are set up. and it breaks my heart to know that if indeed cps decides to place her with p grama, they won't give her any transition time (because she is young). they will just drop her off over there and we won't see her again. but i will know she is crying for us.
visits are so overwhelmingly emotional for me. i feel protective and threatened and at the same time i am so proud of her and i want for them to adore her too. i am all mixed up about even how to feel in this, what direction my emotions should go. i guess i will have a better idea when the paternity test comes back anytime from today till another 4 weeks-if we are expecting them to stick to their own timeline.
sweetpea is just sooooo attached. she is shy baby who developed her stranger anxiety a whole month early. she wont go in a bath or pool with out me holding her close to me.she wont let stangers talk to her without crying unless she is snuggled deep in the sling. i know this is going to be hard on her. i know this is going to be hard on me and my family.