A Different Child
A Poem

A different child,
People notice
There's a special glow around you,
You grow
Surrounded by love,
Never doubting you are wanted;
Only look at the pride and joy
In your mother and father's eyes.

And if sometimes
Between the smiles
There's a trace of tears,
One day
You'll understand.

You'll understand
There was once a different child
Who was in their hopes and dreams.

That child will never outgrow the baby clothes.
That child will never keep them up at night.
In fact, that child will never be of any trouble at all
Except sometimes, in a silent moment,
When mother and father miss so much
That different child.

May hope and love wrap you warmly
And may you learn the lesson forever
How infinitely precious
How infinitely fragile
Is this life on Earth.

One day, as a young man or woman
You may see another mother's tears
Another father's silent grief
Then you, and you alone
Will understand
And offer the greatest comfort.

When all hope seems lost,
You will tell them
With great compassion,
"I know how you feel.
I am only here
Because my mother tried again."

Written by Pandora Diane MacMillan

faces like these

take a look at these beautiful babies- in their home countries they will be shipped to mental institutions at the tender age of 4. All of these sweet babies have down syndrome and are available for adoption. consider opening your heart!
go here to learn more about these little ones, or explore Reece's Rainbow to learn about so many other cuties!!

wow

7 months

well it has been another month.it is strange because on one hand i rejoice at each passing month, as it brings me closer to holding the baby in my tummy (hopefully),but it is also very sad because it brings me one month further away from Aquila.

i am hitting brick walls and running low on steam in the sphere of fighting this injustice...

the things i want to do over the next few years are not the same things my husband wants...

i am feeling down, can you tell?

oh feel the love- insert sarcasm

warning- grumpy post aheadd- read at your own risk!

i had hits, many hits, coming to my blog from some crunchy birth group on babycenter- so head on over to read this

BabyChappell'sMommy · Pass a Note!
Posted 07/13/2010

i think a lot of moms start ignoring their gut instincts when they're so gung ho to do things a certain way. I think part of hombirthing, and of course especially free birthing, is tuning into your baby and your body. The story that's all over the place on MDC... hang on let me go get it to link her blog.

ok here's the original birth story she wrote after her baby was born still:
http://ecmama.blogspot.com/2009/12/aquilas-birth-story.html

and the one she wrote recently after taking the midwife to court and chewing on it for a while:
http://ecmama.blogspot.com/2010/06/whole-story-tragic-homebirth-of-aquila_21.html

She is in her 3rd trimester of her first baby since her baby's still birth and is going with an OB and a hospital birth! She was such a HB advocate and her SN brings up tons of threads on MDC about how HB is the only way to go. That was of course after her daughter's birth. When I read her original birth story but gut was in knots- something didn't sound right about the way she was contracting and the pain she was experiencing with her 3rd (I think maybe 4th?) child's home birth. You can get a shitty midwife who can change your life forever- negatively. But that's no reason to post warnings in all the due date clubs on MDC about how homebirth risks your baby's life. Cry

Courtney (blog)

IBCLC in training & newly single mama to Ariana 8.31.08 (EBF, ERF & almost an EC grad)

and she said

ruralmama25 · Pass a Note!
Posted 07/13/2010

Courtney, your story reminds me of momofmanyfeet, she is on BBC and she had one successful homebirth and then one where she was 35 weeks and her baby died (my mw would absolutely not deliver a baby that early, I don't know what hers's problem was). So she goes around saying CPMs should be burned at the stake (she literally said that) and that homebirth is awful and she's very nasty about it.

Here's the thing that I think people should be honest with themselves about--birth is risking your baby's life. Not every pregnancy ends in a live baby. I'm sorry if that's harsh, but if you can't deal with that you shouldn't be getting pregnant. I know SO many people with full term or late term losses, mostly hospital but a few homebirths also. Some were iatrogenic, some were unavoidable, some were unexplained. I knew that it was possible DS or I could die simply because I chose to be pregnant (I was and am totally healthy by the way). I personally feel that HB with a trained attendant lowers that risk significantly for both of us, but it's unrealistic to think that every pregnancy and birth are goign to be rainbows and unicorns. But blaming a homebirth for something like a cord accident or a premature baby is just stupid. Those things happen no matter where you are, and some thigns like cord accidents are unavoidable, if a baby gets a knot in their cord, there is no way to prevent that--nothing you can do, it's just a horrible tragedy like being hit by a car.

Mother, wife, and educator--the rest is just details....

Support for Choosing not to Circumcise

and she said

ThrivingforBaby · Pass a Note!
Posted 07/14/2010

*clap clap clap* AMEN ruralmama! Seriously couldn't agree with you more. So many people just don't get that birth - regardless of where you do it - isn't 100%. And they always have to blame someone/something else if it goes wrong.

I'm fat because there's a McDonalds and a Jack in the Box around the corner from my house - it's all their fault. Boo hoo!

Oh suck it! Your fat because YOU EAT THERE - go eat a carrot, drink water and exercise. (So I'm being so general and offensive, but you get the point.)

I really think there are very few actual "accidents" and things that you can't control. Everything else is not someone else's fault. Could you imagine if everyone took responsibility how much fewer lawsuits there would be??

M. ♥ 's S.

Thriving for Baby
Report this Ignore user Post a comment

so i said


ecmamaliz · you!
Posted 1 second ago

i would hope you people are kidding about what you are posting about me- but you are not- "you" do not "get" birth , until YOU have YOUR baby die in your hands. it is REALLY easy to talk about infant death as an abstract concept- that yeah some babies are going to die.until you have YOUR baby die- when they would have lived had you not choosen homebirth. MY baby would not have died in the hospital, as much as you would like to comfort yourself by thinking this.

i have never said to anyone ALL homebirths are bad. i have mearly pointed out truths. that you are not as close to the hospital as you think- and that when it is TRUELY an emergency transporting is very difficult- like with a baby's head stuck, or a prolapsed cord, or as your hemmoraging- especially since it takes 8 minutes to bleed to death. not all midwives are created equal. the difference between a CNM and a CPM is the differnce between a MASTERs degree and a GED plus some very easy classes. these are the things i have said- people who i have met ITRW or online who where looking into my midwife i have steered to CNMs here who have very good , long records- i have NEVER tried to convince any of them (and there have been about ten so far) to have a hospital birth, only a safer midwife.


and whoever on here is in my due date club on MDC, i noticed you never said anything to about this problem you have with me- instead you are posting about me else where- heres a tip for you- if you post a link to someones blog- they are going to see where the hit came from- so you are talking about me behind my back- and i can "hear" you.

so thanks for all your kind wishes. i hope all your babys are born healthy and safe, so you can scoff at me and think you in your great supiriority did a much better crunchier job than i.

liz paparella

Liz mama to DS 10, DSS 9, DD6, DS 3, DD (adoption!) 2, and Aquila born still 12/19/09..due with another girl 11/15/10 www.ecmama.blogspot.com
Report this Post a comment · Edit · Delete

this is the crap i am talking about. what's making me get more and more turned off from everything i used to think is the holier than thou, natural is always better crud that floods these circles. dosn't matter that i nurse my kids till three...dosn;t matter that all my births have been o natural, dosnt matter that we eat organic, that i cloth diaper and baby wear and cosleep- because i have BROKEN THE TABOO_ i spoke out against the reteric that homebirth is the safest option for mom and baby. it just isn't usually true. sorry, i have never been a person that belives to be considered in the "in group" -this one being "crunchy", one must follow all established rules in said group. and i will tell you a secret- i don't fully buy the left side or the right side of politics either! (gasp, shock!!) i think for myself. if that means people arn't going to like me- tough. it was never about what other people think about me- it is about what God thinks about me.

Proverbs 24:11-12 (The Message)
"Rescue the perishing; don't hesitate to step in and help.
If you say, "Hey, that's none of my business," will that get you off the hook?
Someone is watching you closely, you know— Someone not impressed with weak excuses."

for those interested in adopting

i just read this about the adoption tax credit!


> For 2010, the maximum credit is increased to $13,170 per eligible child.
This applies to all adoptions, special needs or not. In addition, the credit is
now refundable, meaning that families can actually receive the full tax credit
in the form of a refund, even if they owe zero taxes. The adoption tax credit
increase was scheduled to terminate at the end of 2010, but is now extended to
the end of 2011.

who ho!

Please Hear Me Someone.,....

i have posted about this before..but never get much response, which saddens me. this is something near and dear to my heart.
Children with special needs born in countries such as Russia, Seria, and Ukraine... These children are born into a society with NO support services (ECI, medical care, therapy)There parents are encouraged to put them into orphanages at birth. They spend the next 3-5 years there- which if you know anything about international adoption from these countries, you would know is nothing short of a sad sad childhood. After 3- they age out of these "baby houses" and are moved to mental institutions where the spend the rest of their lives.. If they survive, there lives are nothing but neglect. please watch this video, but keep kleenex handy..


It is that bad people.

so maybe you are reading this thinking that " that is sad and all, but we can't/don't want to adopt for XYZ reason...."
fine i get that..adoption is not for everyone. adopting a child with special needs is not for everyone. But if you call yourself a Christian you are called to provide for and protect widows and orphans in their distress
these orphans are in distress, no doubt. and there are people trying to adopt them, give them new lives in FAMILIES who LOVE them! PLEASE PLEASE go here
to sponsor a committed family
or here
to sponsor a specific child

Reece's Rainbow is an adoption ministry (not an agency) that help these children get into homes... 100% of your donation is tax deductible and goes entirely to the child's adoption costs.

and please respond to this post- i want to know if anyone cares that i am posting this....

here is the family i am sponsoring right now, and i have sponsored several children in the last two years. i put my money where my mouth is..do you?

poem

The first week of grief- by the numbers

One: large box of chocolates

Two: the hour of the morning in which you will always awake, plauged by fresh sorrow

Three: large boxes of lotion Kleenex

Four: thousand dollars in funeral expenses

Five: living children keeping you alive with their aliveness, yet all the while suffocating you with their neediness

Six: children you were supposed to have; perfectly 3 girls, three boys

Seven: days, months, years; it never changes and you are always gone.

maybe getting somewhere

i have been working my butt off to get records so i can put together all the pieces, and take it one step further. it looks like i will be getting a tape of the hearing- which i would love to share some of the tidbits to it to all of you- i just want to make sure i get every word right.

meanwhile i have figured out why most mamas who lose there baby due to a " homebirth death " don't do all this... why they just try to forget..even when it was clearly an avoidable death.
oh, and i am preparing myself for the flames that may follow from this post...

1. when a woman plans a homebirth, she is surrounded by a community-whether it be online or ITRW or both- who fully believe in and support the ideologies of homebirth. When her baby dies, she is told it would have died in a hospital too. i have been told this more times than can count. If she dares to question this- she must prepare for backlash. At the review hearing for my midwife (to which i filed the complaint to open the investigation) the room was full of her supporters. they did not speak to me, only glared-even people i knew. these people actually BOOed and shouted when the board handed her a $500 fine. it was beyond humiliating. i have lost friends, and facebook friends, and family. i found out i am THE ONLY mom to show up to one of these! However, i am not the only mom to lose their baby to a midwife mess up...

2. In order to wrap your head around the fact that your baby could have lived you have to realize someone you have had a very close relationship with (midwife) could be at fault. This is very hard, much easier to pretend like "it was meant to be". Having to fully process everything about my birth has been the most difficult journeys of my life. Frankly, most people are not emotionally strong enough - especially after losing a baby.

3. woman who chose a homebirth, especially ones who chose it in spite of know risk factors (breech, twins ect) are going to be too busy blaming themselves and their choices to look at their care provider. Either that, or they have accepted the risk and the outcome that came from accepting that risk and they have settled it with the thought that" i knew this could happen. I made my choice"