i have been working my butt off to get records so i can put together all the pieces, and take it one step further. it looks like i will be getting a tape of the hearing- which i would love to share some of the tidbits to it to all of you- i just want to make sure i get every word right.
meanwhile i have figured out why most mamas who lose there baby due to a " homebirth death " don't do all this... why they just try to forget..even when it was clearly an avoidable death.
oh, and i am preparing myself for the flames that may follow from this post...
1. when a woman plans a homebirth, she is surrounded by a community-whether it be online or ITRW or both- who fully believe in and support the ideologies of homebirth. When her baby dies, she is told it would have died in a hospital too. i have been told this more times than can count. If she dares to question this- she must prepare for backlash. At the review hearing for my midwife (to which i filed the complaint to open the investigation) the room was full of her supporters. they did not speak to me, only glared-even people i knew. these people actually BOOed and shouted when the board handed her a $500 fine. it was beyond humiliating. i have lost friends, and facebook friends, and family. i found out i am THE ONLY mom to show up to one of these! However, i am not the only mom to lose their baby to a midwife mess up...
2. In order to wrap your head around the fact that your baby could have lived you have to realize someone you have had a very close relationship with (midwife) could be at fault. This is very hard, much easier to pretend like "it was meant to be". Having to fully process everything about my birth has been the most difficult journeys of my life. Frankly, most people are not emotionally strong enough - especially after losing a baby.
3. woman who chose a homebirth, especially ones who chose it in spite of know risk factors (breech, twins ect) are going to be too busy blaming themselves and their choices to look at their care provider. Either that, or they have accepted the risk and the outcome that came from accepting that risk and they have settled it with the thought that" i knew this could happen. I made my choice"
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8 comments:
Yeah, there are risks involved with homebirth but boy when your midwife flat out lies about what took place, that makes it pretty obvious she was at fault. Good for you for spending your energy (that doesn't come easily with grief) on going against "the community." I'm glad you were strong enough to withstand the glares and booing, I can't imagine going through that. Thanks for sharing and I look forward to reading the details you are able to post on the hearings.
Liz, I really admire your strength and your willingness to go after the truth. Your fight for what is right will help another mom, or another baby, or someone. It will not be in vain, I just know it. Prayers for strength for you as you continue to press forward.
I admire you for fighting even though it hurts. I've been following another blog by someone who lost her baby after her homebirth went wrong. You may be interested:
http://thenamesnob.blogspot.com/2010/07/one-of-those-days.html
I know it might not mean much coming from me, someone you don't know, but I'm behind you 100%. Especially because I consider myself to be a little "different" than other people in views of birth and child rearing. You are so strong! Keep your head up high and fight for what's right!
I'm coming from a different angle to you, yes my baby died after a homebirth, but a perfect homebirth. in my case, my baby would have died no matter where she was born, and I'm actually glad I had her at home peacefully.
I still support homebirth, but much more realistically than I ever did before, though I still support a womans right to make an informed decision.
What has happened to you and to Aquila is shocking, and for a community to turn on you like that makes me sick to my stomach. How dare they glare at you and boo at a hearing? They have no shame.
You are a strong woman to stand up for your daughter, you are a wonderful mother. You have my love and support from across the ocean. x
I fall into category 3 - I tried to have a homebirth after sections, I transferred to hospital so my baby "technically" wasn't a homebirth statistic nor was me being at home a particular factor. That is a tiny, tiny relief to me. My heart breaks for you because Aquila's death was avoidable. No flames - just deep sorrow that you were betrayed by someone who should have been such support.
Your responsibility is not to protect the idea of homebirth, nor is is to protect these friendships and relationships.
Your primary responsibility is to your daughter, and also to her siblings and her father.
You are doing what needs to be done for Aquila. Good for you!
Aquila was born just before my daughter. I keep you and her in my prayers with my daughter every night.
I'm a homebirthing mama, and I'm with you every step of the way. I am so sorry for your loss, and dont see how wanting to hold people to account and speak the truth is in any way wrong or undermining of homebirth generally. Your story is shocking, the images in Aquila's birth story are beautiful and I will pray for you and all of your family this evening.
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