i went to Aquila's grave today. For the first time since the funeral... My husband doesn't understand.most people don't. But i had no real desire to go there yet. She isn't there. And i wasn't ready to relive that day...
but, i went to today, and took the little ones. Lucca wanted to put toys on her grave. i know three other babies there. I was right in that seeing her grave did not upset me...but i did get upset. while looking for my friend's babies graves, i was very grieved by all the little toys..all the babies in that "baby garden" as they have named it. There should not be a baby garden DAMMIT. i knew that every little grave marked a set of broken hearts. that each baby had their parents sobbing over there cold bodies. and it just isn't right. it is so very wrong...
and that is where i am at with that my friends......
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5 comments:
Ours is called 'babyland'. I remember when we first heard of it and I couldn't believe there was a special place somewhere just for babies! Babies aren't supposed to die! So sad. (((HUGS)))
I had a similar experience last month. It was the 5 month "anniversary" of my son's birth/death, I hadn't been to his memorial site since the service (all the babies under 20 weeks are cremated and buried together in one little casket). My husband said he was surprised I didn't break down and cry, but like you said, he's not there. But seeing all the little markers and flowers and toys made me so sad and angry. It isn't fair.
Too, too many broken hearts and broken dreams. It's not fair.
Totally get this.
I used to see baby graves and think, "Oh, how sad." It's a whole different experience looking at it from the inside out...
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