of course today should be filled with laughter and a cake and presents....but instead we will go to a grave stone to lay new flowers and release balloons..
All i can think about is how i chose homebirth, i chose Faith Beltz, and i gave my daughter death. i never had the desire for a time machine until Aquila's death. I would give anything to be able to go back and pick the other midwife(CNM) i interviewed... to say yes when the OB at the hospital (a week before she was born) offered to induce me...to have insisted Faith call 911 instead of trying to put me in the car...
so many regrets.
Today will be the first day Willow will visit her sister's grave.
Happy birthday up in Heaven , baby girl.
13 comments:
Sorry, baby girl. I asked at least twice if we should call 911, but why didn't I just do it my damn self? What the hell was I thinking? I have ALWAYS regretted not going with my first instinct.
No words. Just know I'm reading and sending love and healing.
Liz,
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family today. I am so sorry.
Much love to you, Liz. May God's love surround you and your family today.
Love to you all, and kisses to Aquila. Wishing it was different. x
Happy birthday, beautiful baby girl. We love you and we miss you.
Liz, so many prayers for you and your family today.
Thoughts and prayers and love sent your way today. I am so, so sorry for your loss.
I am praying for you and your family today. Love and prayers.
Liz, you and your family remain in my thoughts and prayers today as on many days. The grief you felt, feel, I can only imagine. I pray that the regrets and guilt will dissipate over time. Your photos taken at her grave are beautiful; thank you for sharing that.
Remembering little Aquila.
I've been thinking of you and Aquila often over the last few days, praying for you, so much love and sadness. Happy Birthday, sweet Aquila.
Harm to my children is my biggest fear, this is where I tell God "I know I said no deal breakers ....but....". this, and things like it, is what drove me down the path of depression. It inspires me that you hold on to faith, hold on to Him in the midst of your pain. I wish I could offer more but all I can offer is the Hope you know of.
happy birthday, beautiful Aquila. she was always be remembered by those who love her and those who didn't even know her. your daughter's life mattered to me...to so many. much love.
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