a year ago Aquila was alive, waiting to be born. She was kicking and squirming. In one week it will be a year since she was born, minutes after dying.
i feel like i am walking around , filled to the brim with tears. And, all it takes is a little poke from any little thing to push out a wave of tears.
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13 comments:
((((((HUGS))))))) and lots more to you. XO
Oh Mama. I'm thinking of you.
Love,
Holly
PS it was nice to bump into to you at Costco.
Much love and many prayers for you, Liz.
holly- yes it was very nice to get to see your Ruby! what a cutie :)
Maggie and Katie- thank you friends :)
*hugs* I am so sorry, Liz. Just try breathe and take it one moment at a time, because there's not much else to do. Anniversaries are hard, but hopefully easier once you get through to the other side.
I'll continue to keep you in my prayers. You guys have been through so much. *hugs and prayers.
I thought I sent this message to you earlier after recieving your message:
"Well, it seems that I have little to no options left, since I am so far into my pregnancy. My own doctor will not take me after years of using him and going through three of my pregnancies with him. And we are not doing a "home" birth as I do not think there is enough time for a hospital transfer. I am in a hard spot right now with very little choices. My first midwife was fine with it until she had a scare with another VBAC patient... Which was not a rupture like they were thinking it might be. At that time she told me she would reconsider my case... I was already around 23 weeks. Now I am right at 28 weeks.... And everywhere I turn I am getting no. I am not set on VBAC birth. And at the first sign of danger I will not second guess a hospital transfer. The hard things is the hospitals/doctors limit our options so much. If allowed a trial of labor at the hospital we would have a safer option.
Nothing in life is a guarantee, though. I know a young lady that recently went into labor and was in the hospital... Interventions were done there... She had a c and after the baby was born seemingly healthy it died a few hours later. I have a friend also that was in labor and her baby's umbilical cord came loss and the baby died. And two weeks ago a first time mother's baby died in labor with no explainable reason & zero risk factors. All of those were first time births. I also have a close friend that had a VBA4C last April and did fine. I am scared... But left with little options I am trying to do the safest thing.... Whatever that is.
I appreciate your concern and will let you know how it goes. And I am very sorry for your loss, but know that God is in control. I Have had to deal with losing one baby due to a poor decision 5 years ago and it is very difficult. I followed my husband into a dangerous area because of my fear for my other two children and I fell flat of my back on a large rock & blacked out a few times at about 16 weeks and later found out the baby died as a result. I believe God is in control and if I had been sitting on the couch at home I would have fallen off that day because that was part of a plan I may never understand. I say this to offer you peace. Blessings to you, Shannon"
After this message I have read your tragic birth story and I am so sorry. I also feel that there is much for me to learn from it and I thank you for sharing it. I don't know where my journey is going to lead, but like I said my options have become very limited and after reading your story I know more danger signs to watch for. It scares me terribly! We are planning to rent a place a couple blocks from the hospital, if we use a midwife because our home is 25 minutes or more away. I just don't know... I was talking to a labor and delivery nurse tonight that told me that she remembers one situation where a mother had an abruption or rupture and was at the hospital and they could not get her down the hall fast enough. I am going to pray for clarity from God on what I should do. I wish I could make your pain better. I will keep in touch via blogging.
So sorry.... my messages said they were not going through, so I kept trying to do it... so sorry to flood you with a repeat message.
You are welcome to email straight, if you ever want. littlethingstx@att.net
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