the Lord's work

forgive me if this post rambles, my head rambles most of the time now.

the Lord has been working... so far i have mostly posted my darker thoughts on this blog- but i need a place to let it out. but i want you to know- especially those who know me in real life, but do not have the courage to dive into face to face conversations with me- that i am not "depressed"

quite the contrary really- i can count on one hand my dark days. with three weeks and two days under my belt since Aquila's passing i should say this is quite amazing. The Lord has comforted me more than i can even explain. maybe this is because
" the peace of the Lord surpasses understanding"
it doesn't make sense that i can smile. i can and DO feel so much JOY in the midst of my sorrow.

THANK the LORD for the amazing work he has done in my heart! he has broken down walls and led me to lay down burdens- i did not even see the extent to which the burdens i have carried have weighed me down.
truly the Lord's yoke IS light. pride, resentment, regret and anger are heavy and eat away at your heart.
and praise to him that i feel no anger to him! i truly understand and feel this passage from Job

²⁰ Job stood up and tore his robe in grief. Then he shaved his head and fell to the ground to worship. ²¹ He said,

“I came naked from my mother’s womb,
and I will be naked when I leave.
The Lord gave me what I had,
and the Lord has taken it away.
Praise the name of the Lord!”

²² In all of this, Job did not sin by blaming God.

God gave me everything i have, from my first breath to my last. he has blessed me richly and abundantly. Aquila was and always will be his. and his purpose for her was not to live on this earth. i fully believe he has a purpose for her on this earth, however. i see the work she is doing in people's hearts. how amazing is that, that a child who never took a breath can influence hearts for the Lord?
Every time i have gone to sleep worried or anxious or in great sorrow or guilt, God has been faithful to rescue me from these lies, from the slipping into the mire. he over and over again puts my feet back on the rock of his love.
Passage Psalm 94:16-19:
¹⁶ Who will protect me from the wicked?
Who will stand up for me against evildoers?
¹⁷ Unless the Lord had helped me,
I would soon have settled in the silence of the grave.
¹⁸ I cried out, “I am slipping!”
but your unfailing love, O Lord, supported me.
¹⁹ When doubts filled my mind,
your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer.

Psalm 40

¹ I waited patiently for the Lord to help me,

and he turned to me and heard my cry.

² He lifted me out of the pit of despair,
out of the mud and the mire.
He set my feet on solid ground
and steadied me as I walked along.
³ He has given me a new song to sing,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see what he has done and be amazed.
They will put their trust in the Lord.